Ouch

THUMP! “OOo OO OOO OUCH OUCH OUCH!”

“You did it again didn't you?” sighed my husband.

When I decided to honor God by going barefoot three years ago; there was one problem: He failed to equip me with the grace necessary to walk without hurting myself. “Yep” I winced, “I stubbed it pretty bad. Don't think it is broken this time.” Ten broken toes, numerous dislocations, uncountable sprains, strains, and jams later; I have come away with two valuable lessons:

Firstly to reset a toe one must remember:
PULL HARD.
The (sharp immense unbearable shooting stabbing no good very bad) pain only lasts for a second.
And..
This too shall pass.

Now that the first aid (not recommended treatment) has been administered. Let's talk about those little boo boo's in life. You know what I am talking about. Days when the people you love are the bed post and your whole life seems to be one big GIANT stubbed toe.

I have always been a talker, and worst yet an excited talker. My mother used to tell me stories of days that I would yammer on and on for hours; fall asleep and wake up only to continue on the same train of thought. My problem is that I am genuinely excited to engage with the people around me. When I see you (especially if I love you) I want to fill you in on every last nuance of my day. Not out of pride or even to boast but just because I am happy to see your face. You see Momma always taught me it was good to share, and I guess I took that sentiment a bit too far.

There has been more than one occasion where I have seen people look for the nearest exit when I am in the midst of a gregarious saga. I have encountered those who fake an illness to get away, the “oh I just forgot I have to go (insert excuse here)” and I have even had a person walk away from me mid sentence. Now the easy solution would be for me to just take the hint and shut my trap. BELIEVE ME I have tried. I have even gone so far as to “fast” talking like one would eating. But nothing seems to stop my motor mouth.

Some have called my talking a blessing, how I can get up in front of a crowd and deliver sentences with ease. Or if I am placed in a room full of strangers for an hour I will leave with one or more friends for life. But I will let you in on a little secret. It used to be one of my biggest shames.

Try to imagine the biggest part of you also being the part of you that you hate the most. Not because of how you perceive that part of you; but because of how the people around you perceive it. That is how life has been with my talking. Instead of it being endearing, it was annoying. Instead of being transparent, I was vain. And instead of blessing those around me with my words I felt as though I was just a pest. I had become that person you run from when you see enter the room. That girl that is sweet, but “just too much.” And the hardest blows came from those I loved and respected the most.

“Andrea, you need to allow other people to talk! You cannot always monopolize the conversation. I am allotting you five minutes.” (*Ouch*)

“Andrea, you are as subtle as a freight train.” (*Ooo*)

“Andrea, sometimes I just want to tell you to shut up.” (*Wince*)

And my personal favorite,
“Gosh Andrea, could you be more annoying?” (*Removes the blade from her heart*)

How was I supposed to react to these things? I turned to the bible. The never fail “What would Jesus do?” question. All I kept reading was “turn the other cheek.” But I didn't want to; I wanted to run, hide and cry. To pull the covers over my head and just stay there. What was the use anyway? I was being real, and obviously the person that God made me to be was not good enough. I was annoying, long winded and just too much. I wasn't special enough to be loved just how I was. But right there was saving grace. God had made me this person. He had crafted my very being with His own hands. HE WAS TO BLAME. I am joking HE was to PRAISE.

You see when God gave me this voice He had a plan in mind. When God created me He created every part of me. My legs that were too short, He created them. My ears that were slightly lopsided, He created. My crooked smile, the way I snort when I laugh, my inability to walk without running into things; He created them all. If I believed that He was a loving and perfect God, and that He didn't make mistakes than how could I see myself as one? How could my talking which is such a huge part of who I am be something God "messed up." So I made a decision. If I was going to be a talker, I was to be the one who “never shut up” about Him. I was the one whom He loved, and adored. The one He called His beloved; and I was to tell the world about that love. When I opened my heart to that very simple truth everything changed.


Now just because I had a change of heart it didn't mean everyone else did as well. I still received the blank stares, the flash of "Oh no here she goes again" in a persons eyes, and even an unkind word from time to time. One might think I would be pompous or even vindictive. “God gave me the gift of gab who are you to tell me to be quiet.” But quite the opposite happened. I became more humble. When I could tell that someone was getting an 'overload of Andrea' I smiled and excused myself. There where no feelings of resentment, rather I wanted to bless that person more. So if blessing them meant for me to be silent, I wanted to do that for them.

I became aware of the moods of those around me. It was as if my senses went into overdrive. I could tell if someone was worn out or worried. If someone just wasn't themselves. And so, I began to listen with not just my ears, but more importantly, with my heart. If someone was cruel to me or was rude to me, I didn't automatically get angry. I prayed to God to reveal to me the hidden reason behind their anger. If my feelings were hurt I would pray hard and let down those feelings of bitterness; and take up the feelings of grace. I took more responsibility over my tongue; and realized that sometimes the biggest words were spoken in silence. A hug, a pat on the back, a respectful nod, a smile. These things spoke volumes over anything I could utter.

I was given a piece of advice recently that really seemed to bring all of this home to me. “Sometimes we have to allow those around us to hurt us. Because it can actually help them and alert them to a hidden pain within themselves.” You see people do not strive to be hateful. Most times they inflict pain onto others because they themselves are hurting. We need to remember to ignore the symptom and pray for God to reveal the root of the problem. This will not be easy or even safe; because it is when someone is hurting that they will lash out.

Plato's Allegory of the Cave further explains my point:
Imagine prisoners who have been chained since their childhood deep inside a cave: not only are their arms and legs unmovable because of chains; their heads are chained in one direction as well so that their gaze is fixed on a wall.

Behind the prisoners is an enormous fire, and between the fire and the prisoners is a raised walkway, along which puppets of various animals, plants, and other things are moved. The puppets cast shadows on the wall, and the prisoners watch these shadows. Behind this cave there is a well-used road, and upon this road people are walking and talking and generally making noise. The prisoners, then, believe that these noises are coming directly from the shadows they are watching pass by on the cave wall.

The prisoners engage in what appears to us to be a game: naming the shapes as they come by. This, however, is the only reality that they know, even though they are seeing merely shadows of objects. They are thus conditioned to judge the quality of one another by their skill in quickly naming the shapes and dislike those who play poorly.

Suppose a prisoner's chains break, and he is able to get up and walk about (a process which takes some time, as he has never done it before). Eventually he will be compelled to explore; he walks up and out of the cave, whereby he is instantly blinded by the sun. He turns then to the shadows on the floor, in the lakes, slowly working his way out of his deluded mind, and he is eventually able to glimpse the sun. In time, he would learn to see it as the object that provides the seasons and the courses of the year, presides over all things in the visible region, and is in some way the cause of all these things that he has seen.

Once enlightened, so to speak, the freed prisoner would not want to return to the cave to free his fellow prisoners, but would be compelled to do so. Another problem lies in the other prisoners not wanting to be freed: descending back into the cave would require that the freed prisoner's eyes adjust again, and for a time, he would be one of the ones identifying shapes on the wall. His eyes would be swamped by the darkness, and would take time to become acclimated. He might stumble, Plato asserts, and the prisoners would conclude that his experience had ruined him. He would not be able to identify the shapes on the wall as well as the other prisoners, making it seem as if his being taken to the surface completely ruined his eyesight. Further more if he freed another to lead him up to the light, the bound prisoner would fight to the death if only to avoid the unknown.

Who are we not to “take one for the team” every now and then? Did Christ not sacrifice it all for us on the cross? What are hurt feelings compared to leading a fellow prisoner to the Light? How important is that bruised ego when we are talking about the importance of eternity? When we ground ourselves in the LOVE of God, we can weather the arrows from those around us.

I am not advocating a martyr mentality, nor am I saying to be a door mat for the world to walk on. However I am pleading with you all to let grace rule. Do not let the seed of bitterness take root. Remember Ephesians 4:2:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

For in this life you cannot control how other people treat you. But you can control how you react to that treatment. You will never escape the pain some words wield, but you can lessen the power of the sting. Your heart will be broken, but just like broke toes, this too shall pass.

God bless you.

Andrea (the barefootbeliever)

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Luke 6:28-30
28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.

UPDATES

Howdy ho Barefeeter's!! Here I am out of my hiatus, however I am slightly impared. My Frakenputer is in the shop; so this is just a little note to tell you to come back soon for updates. Much has happened in my absence and I cannot wait to share. Also I am excited to say I will be writing with more frequency. These last few months have taught me a lot, about myself, my relationship with my family, my friends, and most importantly God. My first installment is going to be called: "What it takes to be real" so stay tuned.

“DING DING DING LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!”

I have spent the better part of this week fighting a losing battle. Sure, I place on a brave face to cover up my blackened eyes, and walk through the day masking my limp. Greeting my loved ones with toothless smiles and gentle hugs, cordial words to hide the bruising and happy refrains to disguise the pain. But inside there has been an all out battle royal raging. It began last Thursday when I got a call from my OBGYN.

“Well Andrea, as you know you took two blood tests yesterday, one you passed and one you failed. The one you failed is for Gestational Diabetes. You need to go have more blood work done to determine how bad it is. Or if the failed test was just a fluke. Let's set you up with that appointment now.”


'Wonderful' I thought. 'What next?'

It is always when we ask those questions we get an answer. I moped and pouted, got angry and annoyed. I self destructed, acted out, behaved badly to my husband and son. Was snippy and irrational, just a totally joy to be around (emphasis on sarcasm there). That is when I began to I fight against God. Lets call it round one.

It was short lived, or so I thought. I won that round, it was a quick one two three pin. We took the next test and it came back that I was fine. I was grateful, but even that rejoicing was short. Because not an hour later another blow came:

“Hello Andrea, this is the credit union, your account balance seems to be overdrawn.”

“GREAT” I screamed “this is just great! Does it never end? I am sick of this! What in the world are we doing wrong.”


Just then the answer hit me like hammer to the head. “Do you really want to know?”

There was God's submission hold on my heart. His finishing move. (What were you expecting? Plagues and floods?) God has a way of using the Holy Spirit to deliver these fatal blows. And just like a knife they cut to the quick of the problem.

This simple question was really it after all, “Did I really want to know?” I realized during all my self destruction, whining complaining and wrestling I never really asked the important question: “What is the lesson here? What am I missing?”


I firmly believe that EVERY struggle, and joy is a lesson. Not one of those, 'Life is a test, did you pass?' kind of things. But rather a learning experience where God is the teacher, we are the students and these lessons or tests are to better equip us for the blessings He has in store. Think of it this way: You would not give your five year old the keys to the car and say, “Here you go darling, you have been really good today. No time outs, and you finished your peas, so you can go drive the car around the block. Have fun!” That would just be insanity. God does the same thing with us.

If you read The Beatitudes Jesus lays it out before us.

Luke 6:20-26

20Looking at his disciples, he said:
"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
23"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
24"But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
25Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
26Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.


Are these not life lessons? They ask us to seek God, be happy with what we have, and strive to find peace within the promises of the Lord. They also warn us that the joys of this world are short lived. That we cannot do it alone. That the only JOY one will find is in the presence of God Himself. Oh how quickly we forget during these battles with God.

Now God will bless us just because He wants to. Think of your last breath. THAT WAS A BLESSING. One that God ordained because He loves us. But He wants more for us than just to breathe. He wants us to have life in full. How many times are we like nothing more than spoiled children entering the throne room of God with a laundry list of “wants” for God. How many times do we pout throughout the day, and look to other things than His arms to soothe us. That is what this week was for me. Nothing but griping and moaning. I WANT LORD! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! Make it easier for me!

Think about Jacob, and his wrestling match with the Lord. This was at a time where he was not really in the best of places and his trust God was wavering.

Genesis 32
9 Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' 10 I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. 11 Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. 12 But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.' "
Do you see the laundry list he took to God? Had God not promised to protect and prosper him? But it seems that Jacob struggled with the same doubts that we all have. There he went back and forth. “Lord you said this, but I don't trust you. Lord you promised that, but were you just placating me?” He even set up some 'insurance' just in case God was not one of His word. Genesis 32
19 He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: "You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. 20 And be sure to say, 'Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.' " For he thought, "I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me." 21 So Jacob's gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.

So there he sat in the camp. Praying and calling out to the Lord. But in all that praying and calling out to God what happened? He ended up WRESTLING with GOD HIMSELF!

Genesis 32:24
24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

What audacity one might think. Was he crazy? But how many times do we do the exact same thing. I know I did this week. Hitting my knees I would call out.

“Oh Lord what is going on? What else can come up against me? I know you said that You have plans for me, that you Love me and that you will take care of me. But what about our money situation? Ok so you did bless me and answer my prayer that my baby and I would be safe and healthy. But what about the money Lord? Ok ok I know that you said that you would Provide, but .. but .. but.”

There I sat and wrestled with God myself. Back and forth I went, just like Jacob.

Genesis 32
24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

Do you see what happened there? God touched Jacobs hip and caused Jacob not to wrestle but to cling to God. However Jacob would not let go until he received his blessing. There he clung, holding on tight. It was only then that Jacob was asked a very important question: “What is your name?” Simple really, but when you look at the origin of his name the picture becomes clearer. Jacob means “he grasps the heel, supplanter.”

What a life to lead, it seems to me that up until this point Jacob was very insecure about God's promises. He stole his blessing from his brother, ran from his native land, tried to barter for his bride (that didn't work out too well), and then he tried to pacify Esau regardless of the promise that God would protect him.

But it is then that God changes his name, to none other than Israel. “For you have struggled with God and men and have overcome.” It took a moment for Jacob to understand exactly what had happened. Why was it then that he was transformed? He even asked for the name of the Man he had wrestled. But when God answered him “Why do you ask my name?” and blessed him. It all became clear.


30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."


What a revelation! How humbling and amazing that must have been for him. He wrestled with God and yet he was spared. How amazing our Lord is that He allows us to just rail against Him. Wrestling with our inner self and trying to do it our way. He loves us so much that it is another part of the process of growing closer to Him. He even answers us, “Why do you ask my Name?” I take it as don't you remember who I AM? I am your God, the One who Provides and Protects. The One who loves you even when you scream at Me and wrestle me until dawn. I felt that same feeling this week when I heard God's answer to my laundry list of why's. “Do you really want to know?”

Just like Jacob I hit my knees again. I realized I too was not relying on God's promises, rather I was trying to figure it out for myself. My problem (very much like Jacob's) was trust. I did not trust in the words of God. Rather, I wanted what was not mine to have...... yet. This lesson was about RELYING ON HIM. In all aspects of my life, all instances, all moments. Just like Jacob God had touched my “hip” and made me cling to Him.
“Let me carry you through this storm.”
He had spoken soft and true, but I still tried to fight against the wind.

I am now tired, from my wrestling match with the Lord but strangely content. My injuries were self inflicted after all, and I have the Holy Counselor to dress my wounds. To restore my heart and my peace. So here I rest, in His arms, in His promises as we continue to walk through these valleys of my life. He is with me, and it took a wrestling match to remember that. And again the score comes up God = 1 Andrea = 0.
I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Seasoned

“Mommy I am starving!!” Was the call I heard from my bedroom. There my five year old sat perched on my bed watching a movie as he clutched his stomach mimicking pangs of huger ripping through his little belly.
“Oh Mommy I am starving.” He continued. I giggled wondering where he got this dramatic streak, (for those who don't know me that was a joke.) but then it was time for my husband to chime in.
“You know hon, I am a little hungry myself.”
“Ok,” I said, realizing I was also was a little hungry.“What would you like for lunch?”
“How about bacon burgers?” He seemed to perk up as he asked. He knew that it meant I would use my newest 'toy' in my kitchen arsenal: the cast iron, skillet.

When I first acquired this new cooking implement I was actually afraid to use it. The directions were detailed on how one must “Season the skillet before use.” What did that mean? Was this not like any other pan in my cupboard? Usally one would simply place food into said pan to get it to reach a desired heat for consumption. But not this little number. I found out that if I were to try to use it without seasoning it first; my food would turn into a culinary disaster. I also could actually ruin my skillet for future use. So I sat down I read and re read the directions getting myself ready to “season” my skillet.

It seemed easy enough. First I had to coat it in baking grease, then place it in a warm oven for an hour. After that I was to wipe off the excess grease and leave it in the oven over night. This was to insure the nonstick properties of the pan. The directions then promised that after this seasoning step was done successfully everytime I used my skillet it would actually get better and better. So with bated breath I did just that. I worked the cooking fat into every inch of the pan carefully making sure every portion was sufficiently covered. I then placed it in my oven. Every once and awhile I would check on it. Waiting till that very last second of one hour ticked away I carefully removed the skillet and wiped away all the excess grease. Then placed it back into the oven to cool overnight.

Then came the moment of truth. My very first meal prepared in my freshly seasoned cast iron skillet. Let me tell you, it was marvelous. I couldn't believe the flavor that was just seared into every inch of that meal. I was in hog heaven. So then it came time to clean. Even in cleaning there were special instructions. I COULD NOT use soap on my skillet, any soap would just melt away all the work I had done seasoning. Not only that but I also had to place it back into a warm oven to dry. Towel drying was not good enough. It had to go through the fire again to retain it's non-stick quality.

I began to weigh the pro's and con's of owning this device. Unlike my other pots and pans which could go into the soapy water no problem and didn't need any extra care; this thing seemed nothing more than a pain in the neck. But then I thought of the food that was made in this skillet. Oh the tastes! How each flavor seemed magnified a thousand times. Something my husband would call “loved cooked right in.”

Then there was the non-stick quality. I had put that idea to the test when I had made scrambled eggs the other morning. It proved true! Nothing really did stick to this skillet! It seemed impervious to anything that came it's way. It was my own indestructible cooking machine. How could I go wrong? I was sold, this skillet was a keeper.

As I began to cook my mind wandered and I realized that my skillet was not unlike my own faith in Christ. When we first become Christians we are too unseasoned messes that are in need of some desperate attention.
So how does one “season” a soul? The first thing that happens is that we accept Christ. Insuring that every inch of our spiritual selves are covered with the Blood of the Lamb.


Hebrews 1:9
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy."


Revelation 7:15
And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, "they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.


This oil is also a protective coating. Just as the oil keeps my pan from enemy of rust. God's armor protects us from an enemy that we cannot even see.

Ephesians 6:12-18
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

God then does something so amazing. He places us into the Refiners Fire. Bringing forth all the impurities that we carry with us daily. He “bakes in” His truths and promises. This step is to make us solid, He heats us and fires us into perfection. Just as a potter with His clay. Is it painful? Sure, I bet if my cast iron skillet could speak it would ask to not be placed into the oven to bake. But it is for the best, and the heat makes it all the better.

Malachi 3:3-4

3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,4 and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

Numbers 31:23

23 and anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean. But it must also be purified with the water of cleansing. And whatever cannot withstand fire must be put through that water.


James 1:2
Profiting from Trials
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.


Even we are warned of the “soap” that will strip away all the work God has done. God has sealed us to Him with the Holy Spirit the same way I sealed my skillet with oil. One would think soap + pan = clean. But no, it is harmful not in anyway beneficial as one would think. Would it not be easier if I were just to wash the skillet the way I do all my other dishes? Sure but then I would loose the nonstick quality and in truth the skillet could actually rust, rendering it useless. It is the same with these seemingly unimportant things are actually unwholesome deeds that can destroy us from the inside.

Ephesians 4:29-31

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

2 Timothy 2:19
Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are his," and, "Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness."

It is all done for His glory after all. All of this work, all of this maintenance actually makes us better. Just like all the extra work with my skillet gives Russ that “baked in love” flavor; so does God's work within us. It reminds me of the parable of the Talents:


The Parable of the Talents
14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

And lastly just like I was afraid to use my skillet do NOT be afraid to use your new “seasoned” self for the glory of God. After all, He put His blood, sweat, and tears into you. Why not return the favor, and the FLAVOR.


Matthew 5:13
[ Salt and Light ] "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

Magic in my coffee

Good morning. I woke this morn to find myself well rested and somehow inspired. The sun shone a hue brighter, the wind smelled a touch sweeter, and the coffee at my lips tasted one iota richer. I think back on the strange the series of events that have cumulated to give me such a blissful morning. I believe that it would be imperfect, or even criminal not to scribble a series of ramblings describing this odd feeling that has settled itself in my state of conscious.




Waking the way I did is almost that out of a fairytale. One of those sweet romances that at the end of the battle you find the heroine in a palace donned in royal robes; having the paupers filth scrubbed cleanly away from her body. All I could feel was a small tickle on my shoulder at first. As my surroundings came into focus I realized that it was not a feather of some majestic bird that brought me from my slumber, but the fair hair of a small boy.




There I found him snuggled at my side, his big blue eyes looking up at me. His face could not be better etched by Da Vinci, pure and perfect was this countenance before me. As I gazed in almost non belief at this beautiful creature at my side, my imaginations began to fade. First the visions that danced through my mind all night, then slowly, the sounds around me began to chase out the melody of my dream and I heard the television in the living room ranting about last nights Monday Night Football game. I was at home in bed.




"Wake up Mommy, it is time for you to wake up." said the angel at my side.

"I am awake bubba, just give me a moment."




I started to stretch, deeply. Feeling my very essence grow with each release of my arms and legs. I felt the cool sheets beneath me, the warm comforter above. I was in a cocoon of heaven. What could make me want to get out from under this awesome embrace? What could snatch me away from this utopia of blissful dreaming? Just then the small angel began to bounce beside me. As carefree and playful as he was; he was also mindful not to fall on my swelling abdomen.

"Mommy is the baby awake?" asked the curious imp beside me.

"I think so pumpkin," I answered with a laugh escaping my lips "how could he sleep with his big brother bouncing like this?"

With a smile and a hint of understanding in his eyes the wood sprite jumped down from the bed and bounded into the living room.

"Daddy! Mommy is awake." the elfish boy announced my entrance like I was royalty.




As I stepped into the living room I was greeted by the same blue eyes I woke to. True, they were older and the look that radiated from them was glinted with a hint of power and desire, not the same innocence of the small one. But from this face poured the same love that I mirrored, a small skip of my heart broke my trance as this large king smiled at me.




"Morning." a small greeting compared to the tiny but enthusiastic wake up call I was given by my very own sprite. But the sound resonated in my heart; speaking the words that needed no utterance. As I passed my monarch on the way to the bathroom, my hand grazed his shoulder. In that moment years of love flashed behind my eyes.


I smiled as I kept walking remembering our last rendezvous; had it been twenty four hours since I last felt his arms around me? I began to blush as I thought of the passion I still felt for this man. Butterflies still filled my belly everytime I looked at him I remebered vividly the time when we were courting and those feelings still consumed me, even six years later. After finger combing my hair and splashing cool water on my face I was certain that this day would be magic.




Taking my place beside him on the couch was customary, and I looked over and smiled again. Letting him know that morning discussions could commence; I was awake and lucid I was available for comments at this time.

"I went shopping this morning." the conquering sovereign lord began.

"Did you?" I quipped, knowing that he couldn't wait to show me the bounty he brought home to his kingdom.

"Yes I did" he said his blue eyes shining with pride, "come see."




Re-entering the kitchen I noticed what I had missed during my previous trip on my way to the bathroom. Grocery bags scattered the stove top, there were two litters of caffeine free soda above on top of the fridge and a small box hidden from my view.




"I bought pop and cereal. Some beef tips for dinner; but I think you may have to cut them up because they are really big honey." He started to ramble, but all I could notice is how his eyes sparkled in the morning sun that shone through our window. I was almost lost in this phenomenon until he continued with even more excitement as he got to the climax of his shopping list.

"Oh! I also got a treat for desert. Close your eyes."




I did as told playing along with his game. "OK, open them."




Whatever it is that I saw resembled a mashed up lopsided confection. It looked like it had been through the war. "Uh.."

"It's a yellow cake with chocolate icing. I know it looks really banged up," he began to explain, a look of disappointment clouding those perfect eyes. "I put it in the trunk and I guess it got tossed around a little. But hey I bet it still tastes the same." he smiled.

I chucked a little and put my hands around his neck. "It looks delicious baby. Thank you."

Those words seemed to perk him up as he removed my arms from around him. "Well it is time for me to go to bed." a flash of mischief flashed across his face; "tuck me in?"




Most of you would read this, thinking it was quiet mundane. Just the simple morning of a simple girl. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing extraordinary. But that all lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is all about perception. What do you count as your blessings? Is it your car and job, your bank account? Even these things I too thank God for. But do you also thank Him for that dirty dish? Or that sunbeam that hits you right in the face in the morning? God has given us blessings more abundant than we can comprehend. These seemingly unimportant instances are actually words of God's love letter to us all.

John 15:11
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

So now as I close this for you my friends, the same blessed feeling that I felt a few hours ago continues to surround me now. This detailed description of my morning routine that is everything but ordinary, and with it a prayer that I hope it finds you well. I pray for the joy that only Christ can give to overflow; and I pray that you begin to wake up to the magic all around. That you no longer sigh through the day, just waiting for it to be over. But begin to see it for what it really is; the grand adventure of life.

Simple truths, difficult practices

Recently I have been going through so many things that the feeling of being overwhelmed has been choking me. I have been filled with complaints, worry, being uncertain about the future and things I was SO SURE that God had in store for us. I knew these things were not of God but rather another valley He wanted me to walk through. After some loving words from dear friends I got to sit and be still and the answers poured over me like water. These things were simple truths. Things I learned the first day of bible school, but what I realized is to put them in practice is another story.







ONE) God's timing IS perfect.

We cannot fast forward the egg timer or try to skip ahead. There is a reason for these lessons. When working on the temple God gave them specific direction to build it. Could they have cut corners and done it another way? Probably but there was a reason that HE had them follow those specific plans. EVERY building block was important. Each one was a "keystone" that made the next layer more sturdy. We have to know that even though we think that we are ready for the blessings God has in store for us. HE KNOWS BEST.




Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.


1 Corinthians 1:28-30
28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.





TWO) I am NOT perfect.

Oh this one was hard to settle into. I want the perfect house, perfect family, perfect husband. But the truth is that if we were perfect what need would there be for a savior? Jesus takes our weaknesses and uses them. Only when we are willing, and we do not try to hide them. When we fight against our imperfections we are not allowing Christ be be mighty through us. When we try to be perfect we are relying on our works instead of His grace. Wow. Scary huh?




2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.







and lastly THREE) I can not be everything to everyone, or in simpler terms.. I am NOT God.

You would think that this one was easy to grasp. But how many times do we try to be Counselor, or Protector, or even Provider to those around us? I find myself making this mistake so many times a day. I believe my problem lies in that Proverbs 31 woman. Oh how I strive to be like her. How many days I have spent crying over that passage feeling so condemned in my failures to be that PERFECT Godly woman. How did she do it? Did God bless her with an extra set of arms? Did he honor her with 48 hours in a day instead of 24? Or is there some ancient recipe that has not been revealed to me yet that gives me the strength to stay awake and never need sleep?

I really pondered these things and found myself resenting this woman. But then I realized, this was not one woman. It is the church body as a whole. Think of it this way. What good would the legs do without feet? Or hands without arms? We are all given specific gifts, special to only us. When we come together as a body we are whole and complete. I stink at house work. It seems my home is clean for exactly 30 seconds before it deteriorates all around me. I cannot stay organized and have such trouble with maintaining a welcoming home. However there is always someone who seems to be knocking at my door needing fed. (bodily or spiritually) I then realized that there are Godly women around me who just have the gift of a clean home. When we get together we are that Proverbs 31 woman. I can feed them bodily and in turn they feed me spiritually with the gift of fellowship and somehow they always want to pick up a dust rag and help out with the chores. That is the reason God gave us the body, and He tells us to not be alone. We are supposed to come together often, and are NOT supposed to try to do it all alone. It is pride that keeps us away, and keeps our mind in the idea that "I can do it myself." It is sinful to think this way. I needed to allow God to bless me with these other women who understand my plight and who have been there to train me up and teach me. WOW. God is so good.

Matthew 18:20
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Romans 12:5
so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

1 Corinthians 12:12
The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.




Lastly my beloved I have realized that in all things I must be thankful. For I cannot fathom what plans He has for me, nor do I know the walk He has set before my feet. However I must be faithful in His promises. And am to be joyful in the fact that He is always with me, and loves me until the end of time. God bless and may Peace be with you always.







Job 27:10
Will he find delight in the Almighty? Will he call upon God at all times?

Nehemiah 1:5
Then I said: "O LORD, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands,

Psalm 48:9
Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love.

My walk so far.. a reason for everything

The Past

It wasn't to long ago that my world was filled with darkness. I felt that I had no hope. I had chosen for myself a lifestyle that seemed to eat away at my insides until all that was left was a hollow shell. Not surprisingly that was the point when I felt the most fragile. Feeling like I could fracture into a million pieces at any minute, I turned to anything to fill the void. To say that I have been to hell and back is not an exaggeration of terms. At my worst my marriage was hanging on by a thread, I was battling addiction, and the thought of suicide was a welcome out in my mind. But then I heard the call. It began small and gentle, like a parent calling a child in from play. But I resisted “I was to dirty to come back to Christianity”, the things I had done, the people I had hurt, there couldn't be forgiveness for me. Could there? The call grew stronger in my soul and it had a sense of urgency, like a parent searching for their lost child in the wilderness. Then it finally happened. I broke, I called out with all that I had, all that was left of me, I called out to Jesus. And he came. He met me where I was. Dirty broken and lost, he pulled me from the darkness into the light. I am healed and forgiven, clean and sober, and my marriage is stronger than ever. I am not a fragile shell afraid of breaking, but I am filled with the holy spirit and shatterproof. I have a promise and a hope, a purpose, and a mission.

The Present

I am married to the love of my life. He is my best friend and my biggest supporter. We like to use the analogy that I am the balloon, he is the string. Without the string to hold on to the balloon it would float to high and pop from the pressure. Now the string without the balloon would never get that extra lift upward, it would lay on the ground without a job to do. They need each other, however the string and balloon alone still can be in trouble. A balloon untethered, even with the string holding on still flies to high, with the string is helpless to stop it. That is where our rock comes in ...Jesus. He is the center of our marriage and our lives.
We have a five year old son Eli. He not unlike any other five year old full of laughter and mischief. He keeps us on our toes and we thank God everyday for allowing us the blessing of being parents. Lastly sometime in early April we are expecting the arrival of Noah Paul. The newest blessing God has heaped upon our heads. HAHA.. Look at me BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT! :D


The Future

My steps where numbered and planed before I was known. So I am walking by faith the path that God has chosen for me. I am so thankful of the change that he has made in my life. I know that I can never repay the debt He has paid for me. But I will work where he shows me there is a need, and everyday try to live my life honoring the one who has redeemed me.

What if Cheese was green, and Cucumbers where yellow??

You know I like to think, and think deep I must.

I was thinking today about who would win between a bear and a butterfly in a fight.
"WHAT??" You say. "How could the butterfly ever stand up to a bear?"

But go with me if you will, and imagine this: The bear is powerful, massive and strong. With one lash of his paw he can knock down a tree. He is the king of the forest. Perfect in force is he.

Bye-bye me thinks to our poor little friend the butterfly.

Perhaps not. The butterfly is light, agile, and quick. She floats on the air, riseing overhead, just stopping long enough to smell the flowers. Her beauty is unmatched, her grace uncategorized. Perfect in flight is she.

Our furry friend would be hard pressed to catch her. Because as we all know bears are not so graceful, not so quick, and well, they can't fly. But if she is caught smelling the flowers, and the bear mistakenly sits on her, that would be the end of our sweet little butterfly.

(Ok Andrea spending mebe a little to much time in the bathroom with the door closed while cleaning?) Nope, but here comes my point.

God created all of us differently. All of us with our own perfect capabilities, our own perfect talents. If we look at everyone this way, instead of comparing ourselves and others, we can see the true beauty of creation. Because after all, a bear is no better than the butterfly, nor is the butterfly better than the bear. They are just perfectly different, and perfectly made. Smile today, and think about that for a minute.

Sheilds Are Down (Archived Post Dec 06)

Well I think I have reached a new stage of paranoia. Last night when I came home from worship, I began talking to my husband about practice. In my normal fragmented speech.



Me:

"Susie and Byron have joined the group, we had so much fun, Becky is so funny, I am doing special music did you know that, Yea with Michelle, actually the whole group is doing it. I have to check my email because Kathy said she keeps sending me emails and I am not getting any, Becky said something about yahoo, but I don't want another one, OHH don't let me forget to send the chili recipe to Kelly, do you know where it is I have been looking forever for it, I gave her the one for poor man's steak.."

My Husband:

"Poor mans Steak! Nonoooononoono. That is a secret family recipe, I am so ashamed..."

I burst into tears. What followed was fifteen minutes of my husband explaining that he was joking. What is wrong with me? We do that all the time, going back and forth with playful loving jabs at each other. Nothing even remotely close to being meanspirited. But last night when he said he was ashamed of me, they were words I couldn't take. Why is that? I know better. Right before I left for practice he pulled me close, hugged and kissed me, and told me how proud he was of me. That I was doing great! But in that one moment all of my fears resurfaced.



It has been happening a lot lately. I have become a lot more sensitive than normal. I have two theories on what is going on.

One) it could be hormonal. and I will stop there for my male readers..girls you know what I am talking about. OR....

Two) it could be that I am actually becoming more ME than I have ever been in my life. When we tear down those walls we build, we become so penetrable. I know that recently God has been continually stripping away years of protective layers that I have accumulated. Brick by brick He is getting to the heart of me. Just this Sunday I spent the whole service in tears because the message hit so close to home. It was titled "Ghost's of Christmas past." How we had to let go and forgive others, and ourselves. I needed that message. Especially this time of year.

I can't believe that it has been only a year since I came home. I think about how far God has taken me and I am astounded. So I guess this is all par for the course. I knew when I decided back in January of this year that I would no longer be a pleaser, but have faith in the love of others. That it wouldn't be easy. That it was going to be something that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I knew without doing that, and being completely "out there" I would never know for sure if people genuinely loved me. I have become so much more grounded, more stable, more loving, and more secure in the relationships I do have. I have also grown so close to Him. I found this hunger for His word and a desire to fellowship that I never thought or imagined could ever be possible. I found out that God thinks that I am valuable to Him. I am His child, His bride, His beloved.

So now I am thinking on the future, and wondering what His plan could be for me. How He has best made me to serve. That is exciting, and I guess that this sensitivity is part of it. Because I am no longer that Andrea surrounded by a sheild of doubt and a hard coating to reflect everything off of. But I am now Andrea made out of clay continually being molded into what He wants me to be. Formed and reformed, soft plyable, and wanting to be sculpted into His masterpeice. And I know that no matter what I am protected because after all, I am in His hand.

Isaiah 64:8
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.


Jeremiah 18:6
"O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand.

2 Corinthians 4
Treasures in Jars of Clay
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"[a]made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.