Daddy issues

Growing up my father was seldom there. His job required that he travel a lot, and usually his homecoming was more of a reintroduction than a reunion. As I grew I realized that my father and I were total opposites, and being so we butted heads.

We had no common ground. What I saw as voluntary distance was actually no fault of his own. His past and own childhood was showing through the facade of being a father. My dad wanted a relationship, but he didn't really know how to go about it.

Then I met my husband, and before we even became serious, he told me of his dreams of being a father. His visions of his children running up to him and how he would hold them high on his shoulders so they could reach the sky.

My husband is also reserved emotionally, he is not one for grand shows of affection, nor has he ever written me a sonnet. There are days when I sit and watch him, wondering what he is thinking.

Is he happy? Have I full-filled my duties as a wife? Does he want for anything?

Then our boys walk into the room, and he lights up. I didn't understand such devotion before I saw him with our children, and I can honestly say that it's intensity still surprises me everyday. I asked my husband one night in the hushed whispers of our marriage bed, "Is there anything you wouldn't do for our boys?"

"No Andrea. I would die for them. If they need me I am there."

We watched a movie the other night that asked a question.

"Your house is on fire. You have sixty seconds what do you grab?"

At that moment Russ looked over and we smiled at each other. Not because I knew he would grab me, but because of the unspoken fact that his first priority would be the boys. If time permitted he would grab me as well, probably at his own demise, but without even having to ask I know that not even a wall of fire would keep him from our children.

I believe this was God's gift to me, Him gently saying, "Let Me give you a physical reminder of My Love for you everyday." Russ has made mistakes as a dad, and those mistakes weigh on him more than any other thing could. But each morning he wakes eager to be the man that our boys could look up to. The funny thing is that he doesn't even try. He just smiles when he sees his boys running into his arms, so that he may lift them up so they can touch the sky.