Free Hugs

'She is so beautiful.' he thought as they walked through the doors of the nearly empty restaurant.
The way her auburn hair swept across her face as it was blown by the night air might not be a topic of interest to most. And to the naked eye, it was just a seemingly normal evening in mid January; but for him, tonight was the beginning of the rest of his life. From the first moment he saw her he knew, she was the one.

This was their first official date and although it was just a cup of coffee with some friends it had been the best night of his life. As she walked him to his car his palms began to sweat in anticipation of the possibility of a kiss.
"I had a really nice time." he said.

But all his mind could think was: 'Wow look at those eyes. What color were they? Were they gray? Green? Blue?' He wasn't sure, all he knew is that if those were the last eyes he ever saw in his entire life, he would die a happy man.


"I had a really nice time too." He watched her shuffle her feet as they reached the door of his car, kicking stones out of the way and ducking her head as she tired to hide the color that crept onto her face. At least he wasn't the only one who was nervous.


"Can I call you tomorrow?" 'or every day for the rest of my life?'
He was feeling physical pain by leaving her at this moment, and he knew he would burst if he didn't get to touch her soon.

"Sure." She smiled up at him, and he could have sworn his heart stopped at that exact moment.

This is it, I am going to go in for a...

"Um, I need to tell you something..."

He knew it was too good to be true. What was it? She had a boyfriend? She just wanted to be friends? She was in an arranged marriage with some guy from Kazakhstan an was to be wed in a week? She..

"I don't kiss on the first date." Oh thank God, although that was not good news, it was mild compared to what he was imagining and he had remembered her mentioning something about that when they first met.

"That's ok. I can wait." Oh that was smooth.

He knew he wanted to see her again but he didn't know if she felt the same way. If only he could have some sign.

"I would like a hug though, I mean it's not a kiss, but it's something right?"

A hug? Seriously? Well it was better than nothing. He went in slow not wanting to knock over her 5'3' body with his 6'4" frame. She was so tiny, so much so, that her head barely came up to his chin. But aside from her small stature she fit perfectly into his arms. He felt her sighing into his body as he tightened his hold on her.

"Mmm, you are a good hugger." she seemed to swoon.

A good hugger?

A good hugger? What was that supposed to mean? All too soon the hug ended and he was left driving home by himself pondering that very question. What exactly was good about this hug? Did that mean that she liked him as more than a friend? Was she going to really make him wait out the whole three date rule before she kissed him? Would he survive it if she did?

Russ Asay wasn't sure about a lot of things that happened that night, but of two things he was positively certain:

One, Andrea Keibler was possibly the strangest, most peculiar girl he had ever met; and two, he was absolutely, positively head over heels in love with her.

That little ditty is the exact account (according to my husband) of our first date. To me a hug wasn't something that was just a meaningless gesture between near strangers, but on that night was the thing that made me certain I had found the one.
A hug can be many things to many people. An encouragement, a celebration, a tool used to console, and something that can even test the waters of love.

Jaun Mann knows the importance of a hug, and the world is in desperate need for it's kind of medicine.

The Free Hugs campaign is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man who's sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their life.

In this age of social dis-connectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread across the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

What officials failed to realize is that by banning this outreach, they were actually impeding an emotional salve that this country desperately needs.

Studies have shown that hugging has an effect not only on a person's self worth, but can also positively affect a child's language skills, IQ. A hug can help improve the mental outlook of the person who is being hugged, as well as the hugger. According to author, nurse and hug expert Kathleen Keating in The Hug Therapy Book:

"hugging is a very special form of touch therapy that significantly contributes to the way a person heals, and his/her overall health."

There is an account given by David Bresler, Ph.D, former director of UCLA's Pain Control Clinic. Doctor Bresler instructed a female patient suffering from reoccurring pain to receive four hugs a day, these hugs were to be given by her husband who would be playing the vital role of 'hug administrator.' Once her hugging therapy began, the patient reported a distinct drop in the amount of pain she was experiencing.

Touch therapy expert Helen Colton explains:

"..touch is a basic healing need sometimes even more vital than medication."

Colton's observations theorized that when a person's desire for human contact is sated, he becomes physically and emotionally stronger and able to handle problems or traumas.

Dolores Krieger, R.N., Ph.D., professor of nursing at New York University and expert in the field of touch therapy, explains:

"..when one person hugs or touches another, it actually invigorates the body by stimulating the level of hemoglobin which carries oxygen to tissues. When these tissues receive oxygen, they have a new energy that continues to rejuvenate the body."

The unlimited research in the touch therapy field has shown that hugging may help lessen the chances of senility in people age 70+, increases liveliness, curiosity, problem-solving abilities and overall physical well-being, and substantially improves a newborn's developmental progress.

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."
—Virginia Satir, family therapist

Now that we know the benefits, let us begin the practice of hugging, but before we do it would be irresponsible of me to not give you some guidelines.

One) There are some people who do not like hugs.
For those of us who are seasoned 'huggers' this may be hard to understand or believe. But there are just some people who for one reason or another do not like to be hugged. Because our lack of understanding we may be hurt by the non effort (I call this the 'half-hug') or even outright denial of the hug itself. I am here to tell you do not be offended. If it happens, and it very well may, find a fellow 'hugger' and hug out those frustrations. Or if you are stuck with the non-hugger most of the time they will accept a hearty handshake. Hey, it's not much, but it works.

Two) There are some people who we should NOT hug. The first thing that comes to mind are members of the opposite sex who are now currently or soon to be married. Sometimes that person's spouse is not comfortable with members of the opposite sex engaging in hugs with their partner. This is OK, and totally reasonable. They are not being "overbearing" or "uptight," the bible refers to the bodies of married people as "being not of our own," but belonging to our husband/wife. So hands off if Mary doesn't want you hugging up on her hubby. (Or vice a versa.) It is her/his right.

Three) I would also be ill advised not to say that single people should also limit their hugging of members of the opposite sex. I urge you to be aware, because what can be "just a hug" to you could give the other person an idea of possible romance. I cannot say that this is always the case. However, it is always better to be "safe" in this area than to have some uncomfortable situation unfold that you never intended on occurring.

OK now that my "rules" have been explained I give you detailed steps on how to properly administer a hug. Enjoy. :)

How To Give a Hug
We all know what a hug is already, so let's get to the point. The following guidelines are meant to give insight into how two people can share a good/great hug. The hugs which will be described are not "polite", "casual" or "manly", they are hugs between individuals who wish to totally embrace one another. It's very simple, really:

Step 1: The Approach
Before you give/receive a hug you must take into consideration the position in which your partner is engaging you. This is very important. Observe how the person is embracing you so that you may respond in the best way. There are 4 possible embraces:

1. Underhand: Your partner approaches you with his/her arms ready to wrap around your torso, under yours. This is somewhat popular with women, as I have noticed, but there is not enough data to support this statistic. This type of embrace is commonly undertaken by those who are smaller than you, though this is not neccesary. Respond to this embrace with an Overhand:
2. Overhand: The person approaches you aiming over your shoulders. This is evident by a certain characteristic move which looks sort of like a "dive", though it does not always present itself like this. It is common for someone who is taller than you to approach you with this embrace. This type of embrace is hard to master, and I'd reccomend you only use it to respond to an Underhand.
3. Cross (Right): Your partner approaches you with his/her left arm higher than the right. This will result in your heads tilting to your right, and having each other at your respective lefts. Only with Cross-type hugs can the position of your head be determined by the approach, the prior two don't give any insight into this, they may end up on the left or right (it is not always, however, that the position of the head can be determined in these types of hugs, but most of the time). The left arm will come over the shoulder, while the right arm goes under: this applies to both of you. This embrace is the most common one, and usually performed by two people who are about the same height. It is also reccomended, since you may both cover the most area with your arms and get a tighter, better fitting grip on each other. Use this same embrace as a response.
4. Cross (Left): Your partner approaches you with his/her right arm higher than the left. Your heads will tilt to your left, and you will end up at each other's respective rights. The right arm will come over the shoulder, while the left arm goes under. Respond with this same embrace.


Step 2: The Hug
So you have come together; since your bodies should be neatly fit into each other, there are only two things you need to keep track of at this point: your head, and your arms/hands.

* Your head: Whether you have ended at each other's respective left or right, there are basically only two options for your head at this point: 1) Look forward, maintain your heads touching, and lay your chin on the person's neck lightly if you would like. 2) Burrow your head into your partner's neck, which conveniently seems to allow it to fit. This is most common between lovers, at which point they may engage in kissing each other's necks and other Good Stuff. It is also common if you're being embraced while crying. Note that head positioning may be limited by the person who is hugging Overhand.
* Your arms & hands: This is where it gets tricky for most people. Depending on what type of embrace you have given and received, the maneuverability of your hands will be dictated. Once again, it is best to share a Cross-type hug, so that both your head and arms get the most out of it. Depending on which type of embrace you are sharing, your arms/hands will be be positioned in several ways:
o With an Underhand embrace you may wrap your arms around the person's torso or lift them upwards so that they reach over your partner's shoulder. The latter is not recommended unless the hug is short and generally friendly; also, your hands would only be able to tap. If you wrap around the torso, you may lay one arm over the other, though it is better if you put one on top of the other (i.e.: from the back, "-" stacked arms, or "=" arms both on the back). You may rub with limited range and also pat.
o With an Overhand embrace your arms will typically wrap around the person's head, though you may manage to drive them into the upper torso with a certain angle. This gives you limited maneuverability: you may rub with a very limited range, and pat.
o In both Cross embraces, the arms and hands have the most freedom. Do not be afraid to touch the person's back: you're hugging, your partner will not be upset if you touch his/her back, in fact, (s)he will want you to. Do not lay your arms on top of each other, instead, cover some ground.


Step 3: Finishing Up
After you have embraced the person for a certain time, you may go on to move your arms and hands, and either "rub" or "pat". Rubbing consists running your hands up and down his/her back, creating a very soothing sensation. Patting consists of just that: clapping your hands on his/her back softly. Take some time to take in the hug, however, before you rub or pat. It is actually not necessary to do either of these. Note that many people do not like pats, and many like rubs very much.

You may now disengage and are complete with your hug. Ahh, breathe in all the air you were deprived of while your lungs were being squished. Good stuff.


Misc
There are many other things you can do while giving a hug. One of the simple ones includes lifting up the person if (s)he is shorter and lighter than you. Note that this only works if you have an Underhand hold on the person, or if you're engaged in a Cross-type hug. Do not try this if you engaged the person with an Overhand. If you have the person off of the ground and feel adventurous, you may try to spin him/her once or twice (make sure to have some space before you do this). Another fun thing to do might be to tickle each other as you are disengaging from the hug (since your hands have access to your partner's armpits and sides).

Happy hugging everyone!!