The Barefoot Believer

Workout

2011-07-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

I outlined the first two chapters of 'The Vessel' in the car during football practice last night. My fingers possessed to get the words onto the page. I vaguely remember the layers of my surroundings.

The sound of my son in the backseat intense on sending little balls of feathers into the piggy perpetrators. The evening heat pressing down on us. Leaving us puddled, melting, and sticking to our seats.

The staccato drill whistles and and the bass of dozens of cleats hitting the grass. The smell of dust, fire-pits and oil. The revving engines, and random blasts of an air horn.

The announcer calling the race to begin, "Ladies and gentlemen we are about to start our timed runs....."

But sir I am already on my second lap. Just the setting to a furious scratching of my pen, never touching me. I was in the zone, and it felt crazy good.

It's been far to long

2011-07-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hey! How's it going. It's been awhile. It's been far too long. I will take this time now to apologize to those who are on email alerts, but I have uploaded some content that I had over at Facebook. I thought it could find a home here too.

A lot has happened in these few months. That two year old? He is three now. And that leaky radiator, has been replaced by a brand new car. God has blessed me abundantly in my absence. But that is nothing new, He blesses me abundantly everyday. Everything that I have, and every word on this page is solely because of Him. I am not ashamed to say it.

I don't deserve it. But He did it. Even when I was unfaithful, or stubborn in my sin. Again and again, He moved me out of His way so He could do good works for me. That people is grace.

Loving me when I am not lovable. Encouraging me when I am throwing stones at myself and others. Placing me back on my two feet when I fall. Every single time it's Him.

Just two weeks ago I wrote and essay and submitted it - under duress I must say, I was threatened with violence if I didn't - to win a ticket to The Ragged Edge Weekend with Ted Dekker. I didn't want to do it. I had gone through some pretty deep wounds with my writing lately and thought, 'No way am I putting myself out there, and anyway, we don't have the cash for travel expenses.' But again the threat of violence from your pastor's wife is a serious thing. Something that you do not take lightly. I mean, she's a pastor's wife, you know she isn't lying about smacking you.

So I entered, and two days later, won. I couldn't believe it. It was some MAJOR salve on my wounded artist's soul. But then the incidentals reared their ugly head. Flight, hotel, rental car, all these things that we had not budgeted. So I smiled and nodded. Told everyone if God wants me there He will make a way. But inside thinking, 'Not. Going. To. Happen.' I was heartbroken. I had heard the call to write more seriously, over and over recently. You know when you have a dream about chocolate chip ice-cream and everywhere you look the next day people are eating chocolate chip ice-cream, or buying it, placing it on their head as a cooling device in this sweltering heat. It was like that, only less sticky.

God did make it happen. From a collection that friends took up online, and gifts from a very benevolent source, I am going to be in Nashville in August. I cannot deny it any longer. God has called me to be a writer. To create worlds that tell His story, and if He so desires, to be His secretary and take dictation. Even though I had all but abandoned this blog.

Even though I had all but abandoned any sort of writing at all. He did it. He made it happen. That is Grace guys.

Glad to be back. I've missed you all.

Saving just one

2011-07-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

The house is quiet. All of my boys are sleeping yet I am restless. I have a feeling I am forgetting something, that I need to be doing something right now and I can't put my finger on it. So I sit here with a spoon in my cup of Weight Watchers ice cream and I think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Easter, or Resurrection Sunday for those of us who have decided to distance ourselves from the bit o pagan that the centuries have tried to combine with the holiday. We call it Resurrection Sunday, and we put on our dress clothes and go to church. Sing our songs of praise, shake hands, kiss babies and spend the day Thanking God for taking a chance on some poor slobs like us.

Then if we are blessed, we will go to family and gorge ourselves. We will eat the ham (that still confuses me) the salads and the pies. We are having cake tomorrow in our family, celebrating my son's birth as well.

So as I said, here I sit and for some reason all of this ceremony has made me angry. But why? Should we not celebrate one of the greatest moments of human history? The day that our Lord made good on His promise and rose after three days in the ground. (Or in a cave, whatever you prefer)

Of course. Absolutely. There really is no other reason for this day. Bunnies and ducks be damned there IS no other reason. Then why am I so upset? Is it because that I still believe that even within the revelry we have not entirely grasped what we are celebrating?

A best friend and I were having a discussion today. She is in the process of adoption, finishing her classes to become a certified parent. I shook my head at the thought of those of us that are blessed with the ability to bare offspring freely, and yet this woman who yearns for nothing else has to have a piece of paper to say she is fit to raise a child.

It doesn't seem fair does it?

My husband and I looked into our bank account today to see that by no fault of our own, and by actually being responsible and paying our bills on time; a bank error over withdrew our account by a substantial amount of money. This happens the same day our car begins to leak antifreeze.

It doesn't seem fair does it?

A very close friend lost her father this week. A good man, faithful and devoted to his family. Closed his eyes and breathed his last on Good Friday. Three days before Easter. While celebrating the day, she will be also mourning the loss.

It doesn't seem fair at all.

What does all of this have to do with the Resurrection? Everything.

Without the act of the Resurrection this would be all we had hope for. Imagine going through a dark tunnel with no hope of the other side. Imagine sinking, slowly to your demise with no hope of rescue. Without the Resurrection, death wins.

With one breath. One single act of love everything changed. Everything was different. One act of rebellion. One Voice saying, "No, I will not allow this to be all there is." He shattered the law of death and with His blood wrote a new covenant of hope.

When I told my best friend today about how unfair her situation is she took a deep breath and said, "I will never feel the kick of a child within my belly, or know the miracle of giving birth. But I, and I alone will know the joy of saving someone. Someone who had no hope, who no one wanted. Taking someone from their very lowest, their very worst, and bringing them into my arms and saying 'You're worth it.' I think that is a beautiful thing."

I do too, I really do. Amen, and my your Resurrection Sunday be filled with the hope that we have been given.

Resurrection: Rob Bell from Rob Bell on Vimeo.

You say tomato. I say kumquat

2011-07-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

I like me. I do.

I like the way I think. The way I always see things in a totally different perspective than the average human mammal. Just this morning I pondered the oddity of indoor plumbing. Who decided, "You know I think I want to create a special room inside my home. A wonderful room just for urination, and poo." I want to meet that person.

The other day I got into a very serious debate defending my stance that I have the ability to make the perfect glass of chocolate milk:

"What brand?"

"Every brand, I've perfected my craft."

"But what medium?"

"Any."

"You can't be serious. Powdered chocolate tastes differently than liquid."

"Not when I do it."

"That's impossible. You're telling me that you can perfectly measure the amount of mix -be it liquid or powder- to make it taste exactly the same."

"Yep."

"How is that possible? What? Can you see to the gram?"

"Micro-gram."

"You can see individual crystals, and by doing so know exactly how much is needed to make-"

"The perfect glass of chocolate milk. Yeah. That's what I said, I'm just that good."

"Really?"

"Really. Don't get me started on my ninja skills."

It was then the debate got heated.

This is my life, and I love every second. I believe I have been created, that God said, "Let's get a little crazy with this one."

I believe that I bring Him joy, and that although some may mistake my carefree attitude for a lack of intelligence or inappropriate behavior there is a reason I see things in this way.

The other day I was sitting next to my husband lamenting about how difficult it has been with the kids out of school:

"Honey. Today was insane. First the boys played together, then they fought. Then they played, then they fought again. On and on it went-"

"Mommy."

"In a minute Eli. Seriously hon, I thought my head would explode. I played-"

"Hey Mommy."

"Eli, Daddy and I are talking. I said wait. Anywho, I played with them, then I broke up fights, back and forth, on and off-"

"MOMMY! It's important!"

"What Eli?"

"That's a pattern."

"Huh?"

"A pattern. We played then we fought. Played then fought. A pattern."

A smile broke across my face. "Yes Eli. You are absolutely correct."

It was a good day. Like everyday I wake up in my own Wonderland.
Have a great one my friends. Go love someone today.

Daddy issues

2011-07-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

Growing up my father was seldom there. His job required that he travel a lot, and usually his homecoming was more of a reintroduction than a reunion. As I grew I realized that my father and I were total opposites, and being so we butted heads.

We had no common ground. What I saw as voluntary distance was actually no fault of his own. His past and own childhood was showing through the facade of being a father. My dad wanted a relationship, but he didn't really know how to go about it.

Then I met my husband, and before we even became serious, he told me of his dreams of being a father. His visions of his children running up to him and how he would hold them high on his shoulders so they could reach the sky.

My husband is also reserved emotionally, he is not one for grand shows of affection, nor has he ever written me a sonnet. There are days when I sit and watch him, wondering what he is thinking.

Is he happy? Have I full-filled my duties as a wife? Does he want for anything?

Then our boys walk into the room, and he lights up. I didn't understand such devotion before I saw him with our children, and I can honestly say that it's intensity still surprises me everyday. I asked my husband one night in the hushed whispers of our marriage bed, "Is there anything you wouldn't do for our boys?"

"No Andrea. I would die for them. If they need me I am there."

We watched a movie the other night that asked a question.

"Your house is on fire. You have sixty seconds what do you grab?"

At that moment Russ looked over and we smiled at each other. Not because I knew he would grab me, but because of the unspoken fact that his first priority would be the boys. If time permitted he would grab me as well, probably at his own demise, but without even having to ask I know that not even a wall of fire would keep him from our children.

I believe this was God's gift to me, Him gently saying, "Let Me give you a physical reminder of My Love for you everyday." Russ has made mistakes as a dad, and those mistakes weigh on him more than any other thing could. But each morning he wakes eager to be the man that our boys could look up to. The funny thing is that he doesn't even try. He just smiles when he sees his boys running into his arms, so that he may lift them up so they can touch the sky.

Three-two punch

2011-07-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

Noah Paul,

This letter is to inform you that your level of cuteness is an unfair advantage. When you came over batting your huge blue eyes and laying your head on my hand (nice touch by the way) only to ask in a voice that I can only imagine has been derived from the song of angels, "Sum chocwate milk pweese." It was too much.

You got the milk because of the please, and because of your cuteness, if you would have asked for the head of the dog to use as a kick ball I would have given you that as well.

Sincerely, Your Mother

(who never had a chance)

The eye of the beholder

2011-07-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

(These are a few bits that I am bringing over from Facebook...)

My Christmas tree is fairly pathetic. It is lopsided and bare. It has spots that you can see through and an angel that will not sit straight on the tippy-top no matter how many times I fix it. It is covered with a hodge podge of handmade ornaments, mismatched colored balls, and broken garland. It is truly ugly.

A horror to look at, you wonder how it even stands. How is it possible for something so ill put together to last, and yet it does. It has weathered a cat climbing through it's bent branches, a dog trying to pull said cat out by it's tail, and two children grabbing and rearranging it's decorations.

The strangest thing? I love it. I look at it with pride. I sit at night with all the lights turned down and just gaze for hours at it's dim multicolored menagerie. I remember the day my husband brought it home, a cast off from a Black Friday sale. I reminds me of my youngest bringing me the dirty diaper that he had proudly changed himself. It was all wrong, a terrible mess, but his heart was in the right place.

But the real reason I love my tree so much is it is a tangible testament to who I am. A fairly pathetic mess, picked bare in spots and an angel that sits crooked no matter how many times it is fixed. I like to think that God sometimes sits at night with the lights low, and for hours watches the multicolored menagerie of my life with pride. Because He knows it may be all wrong, but my heart is in the right place.

Flame

2009-09-18T12:26:00.001-07:00

A tear trailed its way down her cheek as she stared into the fire that held the last six years of her life. For three hours she had stood watching her blood sweat and tears being reduced to nothing but a pile of ash. At this point she could only comprehend what was going on around her as a ballet of firefighters and police, dancing to a song of sirens and shouting.
They had moved into the house together, the new beginning of a partnership of love. Pouring her heart and soul into every section of living space, she created a home from what was once only wood and brick. It seemed that everything that she knew, everything that defined who she was resided within those walls. Everything she had became ingrained within the wood that was now blazing before her very eyes.
A shift in the wind brought the smell of tinder to her, and she pulled the blanket one of the rescuers had placed on her shoulders tighter.
“Honey?”
She knew that she should know the face but at the moment she could not place the person who stood in front of her.
“Let’s get you out of here. You should go try and rest, the police will get in touch with us tomorrow if they find anything.”
She was aware of nodding in agreement, but to what she could not tell you. Slowly she was ushered away from the curb directly across from the scene and to a waiting car. As she dipped into the back seat of the waiting vehicle she turned her head and took one last look back at the building that in a few hours would be nothing but a few coals and embers. One last look at what had defined her for six years, what she had allowed to label her very identity.
The news would report about the mystery of a fire that had gutted a four bedroom, two bath house in a little less than five hours. She knew the next day there would be plans that would have to be made, new situations to contract for her and her family, but before she shut the door of the car, she threw the lighter that she held hidden in her hand, clinging to for the last three hours, into the gutter.

Psalm 39
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.
1 I said, "I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as the wicked are in my presence."

2 But when I was silent and still,
not even saying anything good,
my anguish increased.

3 My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.

5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah

6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

8 Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.

9 I was silent; I would not open my mouth,
for you are the one who has done this.

10 Remove your scourge from me;
I am overcome by the blow of your hand.

11 You rebuke and discipline men for their sin;
you consume their wealth like a moth—
each man is but a breath.
Selah

12 "Hear my prayer, O LORD,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.

13 Look away from me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and am no more."

I am not sure what more needs to be said here. Or what light I can shed on what I have written. I tried to be pretty plain. But the question still remains, have you become so wrapped up in the day and the work that you forget Who it is all for? Have you poured yourself into brick, soil, or even flesh expecting to find relief?

"But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you."

Throw a match to it all. Burn it down, for it just a house of mirrors an illusion of the heart, that has not breath nor life.

Much love,
A.

This is my idea of heaven

2009-08-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

When you imagine heaven, what do you see? Endless millennia filled with harps and babies in diapers?
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth and it was good. Everything was in harmony. There was no heaven and earth. Heaven was earth.

Then with one act of rebellion everything fell out of harmony;and that one action resonated throughout the universe. Heaven and earth became two separate entities, and what was-was no more. But we were not the only ones who lost unspeakable amounts on that day, and so began the story of redemption.

The great thing is that it is a love story, and with all great love stories there is a happy ending. Love triumphs, death has been defeated and Truth conquers all. So now we wait, or do we? We must not forget that God is the God of beauty, and even now God gives us a glimpse of what life will be like, when we are reunited with Him.

God is an artist, all one has to do is look and listen to the world around you to believe that to be true. Just this evening as I sat at my window and heard crickets singing praises, the warm air caressed my face as I breathed in the smell of grass and earth. In that moment I was home again. It is an unexplainable feeling when you are kissed by the divine, and sometimes we are too wrapped up in our own lives to stop and drink in the wonders of the Creator.

Think about what you feel when you hear that perfect song? Or when you see the sun peek over the horizon. When your heart swells at the laugh of a child, or the stillness of the forest. The way it feels when your soul sighs, that moment of peace in otherwise broken world. For that moment, there is no death, no famine, no war, no pain. Just peace. You and God and Completeness.

That is just a taste of what heaven is. In heaven it is where God dwells, and one day we will be able to participate in that wholeness again.

Revelation 21

The New Jerusalem

¹Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ²I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

In my mind I see forever as being in constant relationship with my Creator. The restoration of all things, a partnership, a great love affair that was bestowed upon us in the beginning.
My sharing in the completeness of God. Forever at the foot of the Master. Me, my Jesus, my Lover, my Friend, my Savior and Lord. Forever Us, sharing this:

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

This is the 2nd largest aquarium. One day I hope to go see the largest.

Cloud Maneuvers from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

To dance in the clouds.

Respect Mother Nature from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

To claim my rightful place beside Him.

Celebration of Light - UK Night - (music is on the wing by Owl City) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

Where there is no more darkness. Forever in the Light.

What is your idea of heaven?

Free Hugs

2009-08-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

'She is so beautiful.' he thought as they walked through the doors of the nearly empty restaurant.
The way her auburn hair swept across her face as it was blown by the night air might not be a topic of interest to most. And to the naked eye, it was just a seemingly normal evening in mid January; but for him, tonight was the beginning of the rest of his life. From the first moment he saw her he knew, she was the one.

This was their first official date and although it was just a cup of coffee with some friends it had been the best night of his life. As she walked him to his car his palms began to sweat in anticipation of the possibility of a kiss.
"I had a really nice time." he said.

But all his mind could think was: 'Wow look at those eyes. What color were they? Were they gray? Green? Blue?' He wasn't sure, all he knew is that if those were the last eyes he ever saw in his entire life, he would die a happy man.

"I had a really nice time too." He watched her shuffle her feet as they reached the door of his car, kicking stones out of the way and ducking her head as she tired to hide the color that crept onto her face. At least he wasn't the only one who was nervous.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" 'or every day for the rest of my life?'
He was feeling physical pain by leaving her at this moment, and he knew he would burst if he didn't get to touch her soon.

"Sure." She smiled up at him, and he could have sworn his heart stopped at that exact moment.

This is it, I am going to go in for a...

"Um, I need to tell you something..."

He knew it was too good to be true. What was it? She had a boyfriend? She just wanted to be friends? She was in an arranged marriage with some guy from Kazakhstan an was to be wed in a week? She..

"I don't kiss on the first date." Oh thank God, although that was not good news, it was mild compared to what he was imagining and he had remembered her mentioning something about that when they first met.

"That's ok. I can wait." Oh that was smooth.

He knew he wanted to see her again but he didn't know if she felt the same way. If only he could have some sign.

"I would like a hug though, I mean it's not a kiss, but it's something right?"

A hug? Seriously? Well it was better than nothing. He went in slow not wanting to knock over her 5'3' body with his 6'4" frame. She was so tiny, so much so, that her head barely came up to his chin. But aside from her small stature she fit perfectly into his arms. He felt her sighing into his body as he tightened his hold on her.

"Mmm, you are a good hugger." she seemed to swoon.

A good hugger?

A good hugger? What was that supposed to mean? All too soon the hug ended and he was left driving home by himself pondering that very question. What exactly was good about this hug? Did that mean that she liked him as more than a friend? Was she going to really make him wait out the whole three date rule before she kissed him? Would he survive it if she did?

Russ Asay wasn't sure about a lot of things that happened that night, but of two things he was positively certain:

One, Andrea Keibler was possibly the strangest, most peculiar girl he had ever met; and two, he was absolutely, positively head over heels in love with her.

That little ditty is the exact account (according to my husband) of our first date. To me a hug wasn't something that was just a meaningless gesture between near strangers, but on that night was the thing that made me certain I had found the one.
A hug can be many things to many people. An encouragement, a celebration, a tool used to console, and something that can even test the waters of love.

Jaun Mann knows the importance of a hug, and the world is in desperate need for it's kind of medicine.

The Free Hugs campaign is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man who's sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their life.

In this age of social dis-connectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread across the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

What officials failed to realize is that by banning this outreach, they were actually impeding an emotional salve that this country desperately needs.

Studies have shown that hugging has an effect not only on a person's self worth, but can also positively affect a child's language skills, IQ. A hug can help improve the mental outlook of the person who is being hugged, as well as the hugger. According to author, nurse and hug expert Kathleen Keating in The Hug Therapy Book:

"hugging is a very special form of touch therapy that significantly contributes to the way a person heals, and his/her overall health."

There is an account given by David Bresler, Ph.D, former director of UCLA's Pain Control Clinic. Doctor Bresler instructed a female patient suffering from reoccurring pain to receive four hugs a day, these hugs were to be given by her husband who would be playing the vital role of 'hug administrator.' Once her hugging therapy began, the patient reported a distinct drop in the amount of pain she was experiencing.

Touch therapy expert Helen Colton explains:

"..touch is a basic healing need sometimes even more vital than medication."

Colton's observations theorized that when a person's desire for human contact is sated, he becomes physically and emotionally stronger and able to handle problems or traumas.

Dolores Krieger, R.N., Ph.D., professor of nursing at New York University and expert in the field of touch therapy, explains:

"..when one person hugs or touches another, it actually invigorates the body by stimulating the level of hemoglobin which carries oxygen to tissues. When these tissues receive oxygen, they have a new energy that continues to rejuvenate the body."

The unlimited research in the touch therapy field has shown that hugging may help lessen the chances of senility in people age 70+, increases liveliness, curiosity, problem-solving abilities and overall physical well-being, and substantially improves a newborn's developmental progress.

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."
—Virginia Satir, family therapist

Now that we know the benefits, let us begin the practice of hugging, but before we do it would be irresponsible of me to not give you some guidelines.

One) There are some people who do not like hugs.
For those of us who are seasoned 'huggers' this may be hard to understand or believe. But there are just some people who for one reason or another do not like to be hugged. Because our lack of understanding we may be hurt by the non effort (I call this the 'half-hug') or even outright denial of the hug itself. I am here to tell you do not be offended. If it happens, and it very well may, find a fellow 'hugger' and hug out those frustrations. Or if you are stuck with the non-hugger most of the time they will accept a hearty handshake. Hey, it's not much, but it works.

Two) There are some people who we should NOT hug. The first thing that comes to mind are members of the opposite sex who are now currently or soon to be married. Sometimes that person's spouse is not comfortable with members of the opposite sex engaging in hugs with their partner. This is OK, and totally reasonable. They are not being "overbearing" or "uptight," the bible refers to the bodies of married people as "being not of our own," but belonging to our husband/wife. So hands off if Mary doesn't want you hugging up on her hubby. (Or vice a versa.) It is her/his right.

Three) I would also be ill advised not to say that single people should also limit their hugging of members of the opposite sex. I urge you to be aware, because what can be "just a hug" to you could give the other person an idea of possible romance. I cannot say that this is always the case. However, it is always better to be "safe" in this area than to have some uncomfortable situation unfold that you never intended on occurring.

OK now that my "rules" have been explained I give you detailed steps on how to properly administer a hug. Enjoy. :)

How To Give a Hug
We all know what a hug is already, so let's get to the point. The following guidelines are meant to give insight into how two people can share a good/great hug. The hugs which will be described are not "polite", "casual" or "manly", they are hugs between individuals who wish to totally embrace one another. It's very simple, really:

Step 1: The Approach
Before you give/receive a hug you must take into consideration the position in which your partner is engaging you. This is very important. Observe how the person is embracing you so that you may respond in the best way. There are 4 possible embraces:

1. Underhand: Your partner approaches you with his/her arms ready to wrap around your torso, under yours. This is somewhat popular with women, as I have noticed, but there is not enough data to support this statistic. This type of embrace is commonly undertaken by those who are smaller than you, though this is not neccesary. Respond to this embrace with an Overhand:
2. Overhand: The person approaches you aiming over your shoulders. This is evident by a certain characteristic move which looks sort of like a "dive", though it does not always present itself like this. It is common for someone who is taller than you to approach you with this embrace. This type of embrace is hard to master, and I'd reccomend you only use it to respond to an Underhand.
3. Cross (Right): Your partner approaches you with his/her left arm higher than the right. This will result in your heads tilting to your right, and having each other at your respective lefts. Only with Cross-type hugs can the position of your head be determined by the approach, the prior two don't give any insight into this, they may end up on the left or right (it is not always, however, that the position of the head can be determined in these types of hugs, but most of the time). The left arm will come over the shoulder, while the right arm goes under: this applies to both of you. This embrace is the most common one, and usually performed by two people who are about the same height. It is also reccomended, since you may both cover the most area with your arms and get a tighter, better fitting grip on each other. Use this same embrace as a response.
4. Cross (Left): Your partner approaches you with his/her right arm higher than the left. Your heads will tilt to your left, and you will end up at each other's respective rights. The right arm will come over the shoulder, while the left arm goes under. Respond with this same embrace.

Step 2: The Hug
So you have come together; since your bodies should be neatly fit into each other, there are only two things you need to keep track of at this point: your head, and your arms/hands.

* Your head: Whether you have ended at each other's respective left or right, there are basically only two options for your head at this point: 1) Look forward, maintain your heads touching, and lay your chin on the person's neck lightly if you would like. 2) Burrow your head into your partner's neck, which conveniently seems to allow it to fit. This is most common between lovers, at which point they may engage in kissing each other's necks and other Good Stuff. It is also common if you're being embraced while crying. Note that head positioning may be limited by the person who is hugging Overhand.
* Your arms & hands: This is where it gets tricky for most people. Depending on what type of embrace you have given and received, the maneuverability of your hands will be dictated. Once again, it is best to share a Cross-type hug, so that both your head and arms get the most out of it. Depending on which type of embrace you are sharing, your arms/hands will be be positioned in several ways:
o With an Underhand embrace you may wrap your arms around the person's torso or lift them upwards so that they reach over your partner's shoulder. The latter is not recommended unless the hug is short and generally friendly; also, your hands would only be able to tap. If you wrap around the torso, you may lay one arm over the other, though it is better if you put one on top of the other (i.e.: from the back, "-" stacked arms, or "=" arms both on the back). You may rub with limited range and also pat.
o With an Overhand embrace your arms will typically wrap around the person's head, though you may manage to drive them into the upper torso with a certain angle. This gives you limited maneuverability: you may rub with a very limited range, and pat.
o In both Cross embraces, the arms and hands have the most freedom. Do not be afraid to touch the person's back: you're hugging, your partner will not be upset if you touch his/her back, in fact, (s)he will want you to. Do not lay your arms on top of each other, instead, cover some ground.

Step 3: Finishing Up
After you have embraced the person for a certain time, you may go on to move your arms and hands, and either "rub" or "pat". Rubbing consists running your hands up and down his/her back, creating a very soothing sensation. Patting consists of just that: clapping your hands on his/her back softly. Take some time to take in the hug, however, before you rub or pat. It is actually not necessary to do either of these. Note that many people do not like pats, and many like rubs very much.

You may now disengage and are complete with your hug. Ahh, breathe in all the air you were deprived of while your lungs were being squished. Good stuff.

Misc
There are many other things you can do while giving a hug. One of the simple ones includes lifting up the person if (s)he is shorter and lighter than you. Note that this only works if you have an Underhand hold on the person, or if you're engaged in a Cross-type hug. Do not try this if you engaged the person with an Overhand. If you have the person off of the ground and feel adventurous, you may try to spin him/her once or twice (make sure to have some space before you do this). Another fun thing to do might be to tickle each other as you are disengaging from the hug (since your hands have access to your partner's armpits and sides).

Happy hugging everyone!!

Dinner is served

2009-08-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

His legs, not quite able to reach the ground swung freely as we sat waiting in the doctors office.

“Mommy?”

“Yes dearling?”

“Why are we at the doctors?”

“Because Mommy’s eye is sick.”

It was a sunny Monday morning and I was sitting in my doctors waiting room internally begging for my name to be called. My husband has worked the midnight shift for the better part of six years, and so I am used to going it alone during doctors visits and general errand running. But today, today of all days, I needed three extra pairs of hands. As it was I was trying very hard to keep track of a toddler who had just recently decided he wanted nothing to do with sitting still and a six year old who was full of questions. Adding to this a horrible eye infection rendering my left eye nearly useless, not to mention incredibly painful and light sensitive, I was one suffering woman.

“Why is your eye sick?”

“Because it got infected.”

“What is infected?”

“It means germs got into my eye and now I need medicine to get it better.”

“Why did germs get in there?”

“Because Mommy touched her eye while her hands where dirty.”

He paused, and at that moment I prayed that the line of questions be at an end. Eli had just hit that stage where everything was a great mystery to be unraveled, and Mommy was the key to knowledge. Counting the seconds since the last question, I breathed a sigh of relief when it seemed that he might finally be finished. That was one thing that I didn’t have to juggle at the moment I thought to myself.

“Mommy?”

He wasn’t done. “Yes darling.” I tried to reign in the tone of my voice as my youngest kicked, and shrieked for freedom. Eli was unfazed.

“Did God make germs?”

“Well honey, God did make germs but the fall is what caused people to get sick.”

“What’s the fall.” Noah screamed in self-determination.

“It was when sin was first introduced to the world honey.”

“When Adam and Eve ate the fruit?”

“Yes honey, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit.” Noah threw himself back on my lap and smacked his head off my shoulder. I winced. Noah, screamed louder.

“Why did they eat the fruit Mommy?”

“What honey?” I bounced the baby on my knee trying to calm him. “It’s ok Noah, it’s ok.”

“Why did they eat the fruit Mommy?”

“Because they were tricked by the serpent.” How long had I been sitting out here? For goodness sakes can someone shut those blinds.

“They believed what the snake said. But he was a liar, huh Mommy?”

“Yes baby, he lied.” The lady beside us got up and moved. Noah wailed, I threw my head back in frustration and smacked it off the glass window behind me. I am going to kill my husband.

“Why did they believe him?”

“Because of pride.” Yes, I am going to kill him. Preferably with some blunt object. He needed sleep? HA! He didn‘t need sleep, just like I clearly don’t need vision in both eyes to deal with two very active children.

“What’s pride?”

“What Eli?” My temper was slipping. I could feel the last of my reserve crack like a chipped windshield in a hot garage.

“What is pride?” he asked pointedly most likely thinking I didn‘t understand his question.

“When we think that we know better or that we don’t need help.” Stabbing pain shot through my left eye as Noah poked me enjoying the reaction he was getting from doing so. What a neat new game he found.

“So they believed the snake because they didn’t think they needed God’s help?”

“Eli can we talk about this later?” Come on! Those people just got here. Have they no compassion? Can they not see I am a woman in peril! Oh why, why would no one free me from my waiting room hell! I then wondered why I turned into a Emily Bronte when I was angry. I would deal with that later, right now Eli was not giving up so easily.

“Mommy come on, please Mommy.”

I had to give him credit for his persistence. “Well they thought God was lying to them.”

“Why?”

“Why what honey?”

“Why did they think God was lying to them?”

I was stunned. I had not expected this. When this line of questioning started the last place I thought it would end up in was a theology lesson. There are mature Christians that I knew that didn’t ask that question. It was one that I had pondered for awhile just recently and here my six year old was asking it like it was no big deal.
“Um.. I. I am not sure honey.”
“You don’t know?”
“No Eli, Mommy has an idea but she needs to check.”

“Check what?”

“Check with God.”

Eli got very serious. “You talk to God?”

“Yes darling, every day and when I have a question I can ask Him and find the answer in the bible.” Noah who for the last few moments seemed content playing with my wallet suddenly was no longer amused. He threw it to the ground and began to tell me in his own toddler way that in no uncertain terms his patience had too run out. Lord, please. If you love me, even just a little bit, please have them call my….

“Andrea …” THANK YOU JESUS!

“Eli we will talk about this later. Now, grab your brother’s diaper bag they are calling Mommy.”

My son’s inquisitive nature is something I love about him. But at that moment not only was I overwhelmed by his astuteness but also by example that he was teaching me.

When we go into fellowship with God we cannot walk away unchanged. One of the first things that happens to us is that we develop a hunger. Some people have described this phenomenon as ‘the great ache’ a sensation that settles itself into the depths of our souls that is only sedated by the constant digging for knowledge and the desire to know and experience more of our Lord.

Why is this? Why is that pull for Him so great? Christ calls Himself the Living Water in the discussion He has with the Samaritan woman. Imagine if you will a woman who has come to this same well, probably all her life. Every day she pulls from this water source, only to exhaust her supply and have to come back the next day. Every single day it is the same thing, until one day a Jew, who obviously doesn’t know the ‘rules’ tells her about this water that after she imbibes she will never thirst again.

10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

At this point in the conversation this woman is not only intrigued but desperate. “Sir, give me this water so I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
Does that not sound like the desperation of a woman who is tired of the emptiness of her brand of drink? She craved a water that could finally dull the dryness in her soul, that she tried for years to quench.

But this is where God always gives us MORE than just what we ask for. That is the beauty of God, this woman is asking for Christ to fill her belly, but instead He starts to fill her heart.

16He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."

17"I have no husband," she replied.

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

19"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 20Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."

21Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

25The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."

26Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

How many times have we been left empty by what we used to fill our cups. How many times have we come to the same well, in the same square, to draw the same water, and then are surprised when we get the same result of emptiness at the end of the day? Then only to return the next to repeat the pattern. Christ is telling her “You don’t have to do this anymore. I who speak to you am HE.”

When I began my walk and began drinking of God’s word I found something miraculous happened. Not only was I satisfied after I read, but as I grew and dove deeper, His word would change with my ‘tastes.’

God tells us in Exodus that while the Israelites were in the wilderness God would litter the ground with bread in the mornings. Now in ancient Israel, bread was man's "staff of life," the basic staple food. While they could have “survived’ on just a diet of bread God knew they would not be satisfied, and God as He often does took it one step further:

Manna and Quail
1 The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt. 2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

4 Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

6 So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, "In the evening you will know that it was the LORD who brought you out of Egypt, 7 and in the morning you will see the glory of the LORD, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?" 8 Moses also said, "You will know that it was the LORD when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD."

9 Then Moses told Aaron, "Say to the entire Israelite community, 'Come before the LORD, for he has heard your grumbling.' "

10 While Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they looked toward the desert, and there was the glory of the LORD appearing in the cloud.

11 The LORD said to Moses, 12 "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, 'At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God.' "

13 That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. 14 When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. 15 When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was.
Moses said to them, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat.

When the Israelites where craving meat, God provided quail for His people.

Jesus said “Man cannot live on bread alone, but on every Word that comes out of the mouth of God.”

His word is the sustenance that we Need. That is the only nourishment that makes sense to us. When He met us in the very first dawning of our new life in Him, He knew that we would need to have more. We would desire Him in a way that was a kin to a starving man in that just walked into a buffet.

As I walked into the examination room on that hot day in early summer I couldn’t help but see a little of myself in my son’s thirst for knowledge. Remembering that just that morning I was sitting on the Father’s lap, my legs not quite able to reach the ground swinging freely as I sat and was given my portion of bread, meat, and water for the day. When one first reads the Words of the bible God meets us there at the banquet table. And there as we Open His word we commune with Him as He delights in our hearts and gives us what we crave most.

Psalm 53:2
God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Psalm 63:1
[ A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah. ] O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Matt 7
Ask, Seek, Knock
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

*No husbands were harmed during the writing of this blog*

PONG

2009-08-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

This week I have been listening to a series by Pastor Rob Bell on forgiveness. The first message in the series titled "Drop the Jawbone" centers around the story of Samson and the Philistines in Judges 15.

Judges 15
Samson's Vengeance on the Philistines
1 Later on, at the time of wheat harvest, Samson took a young goat and went to visit his wife. He said, "I'm going to my wife's room." But her father would not let him go in.

2 "I was so sure you thoroughly hated her," he said, "that I gave her to your friend. Isn't her younger sister more attractive? Take her instead."

3 Samson said to them, "This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines; I will really harm them." 4 So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, 5 lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves.

6 When the Philistines asked, "Who did this?" they were told, "Samson, the Timnite's son-in-law, because his wife was given to his friend."
So the Philistines went up and burned her and her father to death. 7 Samson said to them, "Since you've acted like this, I won't stop until I get my revenge on you." 8 He attacked them viciously and slaughtered many of them. Then he went down and stayed in a cave in the rock of Etam.

9 The Philistines went up and camped in Judah, spreading out near Lehi. 10 The men of Judah asked, "Why have you come to fight us?"
"We have come to take Samson prisoner," they answered, "to do to him as he did to us."

11 Then three thousand men from Judah went down to the cave in the rock of Etam and said to Samson, "Don't you realize that the Philistines are rulers over us? What have you done to us?"
He answered, "I merely did to them what they did to me."

12 They said to him, "We've come to tie you up and hand you over to the Philistines."
Samson said, "Swear to me that you won't kill me yourselves."

13 "Agreed," they answered. "We will only tie you up and hand you over to them. We will not kill you." So they bound him with two new ropes and led him up from the rock. 14 As he approached Lehi, the Philistines came toward him shouting. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands. 15 Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.

Wow. What an intense and crazy story, right? But how is what Samson did any different than what we do when we are harmed?

3 Samson said to them, "This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines; I will really harm them."

How many times have we ourselves said this when we are harmed? Be it by someones words, or actions; how many times do we find ourselves "justifying" the act of revenge.
In the message Pastor Bell explains the premise that people can get caught up in something he calls "relational PONG."

"[Revenge] is the PONG of the heart. 'You hurt me here it comes.'
Bong.
Bong.
Bong.
The story of Samson is so primitive and barbaric and ancient and kinda like 'Come on it's 2009' but revenge may not involve jawbones but its still, primitive and barbaric and brutal. 'I'm only doing them what they did to me. This time I have a right. I'll show them not to mess with me.' Forgiveness begins when we are willing to put the jawbone down and we decide 'I am not going to play PONG with this one.'
Forgiveness begins when you surrender your urge for revenge. Because you have understood that it doesn't work. You never get revenge."

How true is that? How many times do we find ourselves caught up in this little game that we so desperately want out of but just can't seem to drop the paddle? For me it has been too many. Revenge is a drug. It is something that we can so easily be caught up in because it feels good. It is natural to lash out at someone who has just hurt you. But in doing so we begin this game of PONG that can be more harmful than what initially started it in the first place. The bible says:

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

When we lash out ourselves we take the power out of God's hands and say. "I don't trust You to handle this."
Check out the rest of the series on forgiveness. It is just as awesome as this first message, and I pray that it touches your heart, and sheds some light on the jawbones you are holding onto in your life as it did mine.

Blessings,

A.

Let's get to work

2009-08-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

“Wow......”

“I know.”

Side-by-side we stand just taking in the huge mess that towers in front of us.

“There sure is a lot of junk in here.” I kick a piece of trash away from my foot.

“I know. That is why we need to do this everyday.”

“You do know that I am not the best housekeeper right?”

“I am very aware. But, that is why I am here to help.”

“It seems like too much.”

“It’s going to take some work. It will probably be tiring, and painful, and you are going to want to quit. But again that is why I am here. Remember what I said about ..”

“Yeah, yeah something about burdens being light and such…..."

He looks at me.

"Sorry. I didn’t mean to get snarky.”

“It’s OK. I know.”

Sigh. “Why didn’t I do this earlier?”

“Because you were scared, you were relying on your own power, and hiding in your own sin.”

“I am still scared, and honestly this mountain of trash seems too big.”

“Do you think it is too big for Me?”

“No.”

“Do you think when I said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you,’ it meant I wanted you to deal with all your junk on your own?”

“No.”

“Well what are you worried about?”

“Can’t we just fast forward to the end? I mean, You are God, can’t I have some sort of divine Dust Buster and suck all this stuff up?”

Laughs. “ Divine Dust Buster, huh?”

“Hey you made me, you know how my mind works.”

“Yes I do and that is one of the reasons why you are so precious to Me. I love you so much.” Smiles.

Starts to get emotional. “I love You too. That is why I am doing this. All this junk seems to be keeping me from You.”

Laughs. “It isn’t keeping you from Me. I am with you always. But all this junk, it is weighing you down. Think about it this way Andrea, (We are suddenly outside. He points into the air at a bird that seems to be dancing in the sky.) Do you see that bird there? See how free she is? Imagine if you will that she is gathering twigs and bits of string to build her nest. You do not see her carrying more than she can carry and still fly? If she would, she finds out very quickly that she needs to drop it to take flight. You are grounded Andrea, I just want you to fly.”

We are now back infront of the mountain of junk that I have gathered and horded over the past year. It is massive and although I believe Jesus, that I need to be freed from under it, I am still worried.

“You know I am afraid of heights.”

“And I also know you are stalling.”

“Yes I am.”

“I am here Andrea.”

“I know.”

“You are not alone.”

“I know.”

“We can do this together.”

Deep breath. “I know we can. I still wish we had a Divine Dust Buster though.”

Winks. “We do. However I like to call Him My Spirit.”

Shocked, a wide smile breaks across my face. “Did you just..”

“Explain something so you could understand it? Yeah, I am kinda Awesome like that. Now, lets get to work.” Jesus offers His hand.

I accept it. “I love You.”

“I know.”

Squeezing my hand He leads me as we step into the midst of the things that have been weighing me down. But I am no longer afraid.

We can do this. He can do this.

While I have been away there have been many things I have not gotten rid of, things that have kept me from flying. I have walked through the valley this past year and I am excited to share my travels with you. Throughout the next few months, I will try to share what I have learned along the way, and maybe help you clean through some of the trash you have been hording. Grabs her “Dust Buster”

OK, let’s get to work.

Ouch

2008-08-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

THUMP! “OOo OO OOO OUCH OUCH OUCH!”

“You did it again didn't you?” sighed my husband.

When I decided to honor God by going barefoot three years ago; there was one problem: He failed to equip me with the grace necessary to walk without hurting myself. “Yep” I winced, “I stubbed it pretty bad. Don't think it is broken this time.” Ten broken toes, numerous dislocations, uncountable sprains, strains, and jams later; I have come away with two valuable lessons:

Firstly to reset a toe one must remember:
PULL HARD.
The (sharp immense unbearable shooting stabbing no good very bad) pain only lasts for a second.
And..
This too shall pass.

Now that the first aid (not recommended treatment) has been administered. Let's talk about those little boo boo's in life. You know what I am talking about. Days when the people you love are the bed post and your whole life seems to be one big GIANT stubbed toe.

I have always been a talker, and worst yet an excited talker. My mother used to tell me stories of days that I would yammer on and on for hours; fall asleep and wake up only to continue on the same train of thought. My problem is that I am genuinely excited to engage with the people around me. When I see you (especially if I love you) I want to fill you in on every last nuance of my day. Not out of pride or even to boast but just because I am happy to see your face. You see Momma always taught me it was good to share, and I guess I took that sentiment a bit too far.

There has been more than one occasion where I have seen people look for the nearest exit when I am in the midst of a gregarious saga. I have encountered those who fake an illness to get away, the “oh I just forgot I have to go (insert excuse here)” and I have even had a person walk away from me mid sentence. Now the easy solution would be for me to just take the hint and shut my trap. BELIEVE ME I have tried. I have even gone so far as to “fast” talking like one would eating. But nothing seems to stop my motor mouth.

Some have called my talking a blessing, how I can get up in front of a crowd and deliver sentences with ease. Or if I am placed in a room full of strangers for an hour I will leave with one or more friends for life. But I will let you in on a little secret. It used to be one of my biggest shames.

Try to imagine the biggest part of you also being the part of you that you hate the most. Not because of how you perceive that part of you; but because of how the people around you perceive it. That is how life has been with my talking. Instead of it being endearing, it was annoying. Instead of being transparent, I was vain. And instead of blessing those around me with my words I felt as though I was just a pest. I had become that person you run from when you see enter the room. That girl that is sweet, but “just too much.” And the hardest blows came from those I loved and respected the most.

“Andrea, you need to allow other people to talk! You cannot always monopolize the conversation. I am allotting you five minutes.” (*Ouch*)

“Andrea, you are as subtle as a freight train.” (*Ooo*)

“Andrea, sometimes I just want to tell you to shut up.” (*Wince*)

And my personal favorite,
“Gosh Andrea, could you be more annoying?” (*Removes the blade from her heart*)

How was I supposed to react to these things? I turned to the bible. The never fail “What would Jesus do?” question. All I kept reading was “turn the other cheek.” But I didn't want to; I wanted to run, hide and cry. To pull the covers over my head and just stay there. What was the use anyway? I was being real, and obviously the person that God made me to be was not good enough. I was annoying, long winded and just too much. I wasn't special enough to be loved just how I was. But right there was saving grace. God had made me this person. He had crafted my very being with His own hands. HE WAS TO BLAME. I am joking HE was to PRAISE.

You see when God gave me this voice He had a plan in mind. When God created me He created every part of me. My legs that were too short, He created them. My ears that were slightly lopsided, He created. My crooked smile, the way I snort when I laugh, my inability to walk without running into things; He created them all. If I believed that He was a loving and perfect God, and that He didn't make mistakes than how could I see myself as one? How could my talking which is such a huge part of who I am be something God "messed up." So I made a decision. If I was going to be a talker, I was to be the one who “never shut up” about Him. I was the one whom He loved, and adored. The one He called His beloved; and I was to tell the world about that love. When I opened my heart to that very simple truth everything changed.

Now just because I had a change of heart it didn't mean everyone else did as well. I still received the blank stares, the flash of "Oh no here she goes again" in a persons eyes, and even an unkind word from time to time. One might think I would be pompous or even vindictive. “God gave me the gift of gab who are you to tell me to be quiet.” But quite the opposite happened. I became more humble. When I could tell that someone was getting an 'overload of Andrea' I smiled and excused myself. There where no feelings of resentment, rather I wanted to bless that person more. So if blessing them meant for me to be silent, I wanted to do that for them.

I became aware of the moods of those around me. It was as if my senses went into overdrive. I could tell if someone was worn out or worried. If someone just wasn't themselves. And so, I began to listen with not just my ears, but more importantly, with my heart. If someone was cruel to me or was rude to me, I didn't automatically get angry. I prayed to God to reveal to me the hidden reason behind their anger. If my feelings were hurt I would pray hard and let down those feelings of bitterness; and take up the feelings of grace. I took more responsibility over my tongue; and realized that sometimes the biggest words were spoken in silence. A hug, a pat on the back, a respectful nod, a smile. These things spoke volumes over anything I could utter.

I was given a piece of advice recently that really seemed to bring all of this home to me. “Sometimes we have to allow those around us to hurt us. Because it can actually help them and alert them to a hidden pain within themselves.” You see people do not strive to be hateful. Most times they inflict pain onto others because they themselves are hurting. We need to remember to ignore the symptom and pray for God to reveal the root of the problem. This will not be easy or even safe; because it is when someone is hurting that they will lash out.

Plato's Allegory of the Cave further explains my point:
Imagine prisoners who have been chained since their childhood deep inside a cave: not only are their arms and legs unmovable because of chains; their heads are chained in one direction as well so that their gaze is fixed on a wall.

Behind the prisoners is an enormous fire, and between the fire and the prisoners is a raised walkway, along which puppets of various animals, plants, and other things are moved. The puppets cast shadows on the wall, and the prisoners watch these shadows. Behind this cave there is a well-used road, and upon this road people are walking and talking and generally making noise. The prisoners, then, believe that these noises are coming directly from the shadows they are watching pass by on the cave wall.

The prisoners engage in what appears to us to be a game: naming the shapes as they come by. This, however, is the only reality that they know, even though they are seeing merely shadows of objects. They are thus conditioned to judge the quality of one another by their skill in quickly naming the shapes and dislike those who play poorly.

Suppose a prisoner's chains break, and he is able to get up and walk about (a process which takes some time, as he has never done it before). Eventually he will be compelled to explore; he walks up and out of the cave, whereby he is instantly blinded by the sun. He turns then to the shadows on the floor, in the lakes, slowly working his way out of his deluded mind, and he is eventually able to glimpse the sun. In time, he would learn to see it as the object that provides the seasons and the courses of the year, presides over all things in the visible region, and is in some way the cause of all these things that he has seen.

Once enlightened, so to speak, the freed prisoner would not want to return to the cave to free his fellow prisoners, but would be compelled to do so. Another problem lies in the other prisoners not wanting to be freed: descending back into the cave would require that the freed prisoner's eyes adjust again, and for a time, he would be one of the ones identifying shapes on the wall. His eyes would be swamped by the darkness, and would take time to become acclimated. He might stumble, Plato asserts, and the prisoners would conclude that his experience had ruined him. He would not be able to identify the shapes on the wall as well as the other prisoners, making it seem as if his being taken to the surface completely ruined his eyesight. Further more if he freed another to lead him up to the light, the bound prisoner would fight to the death if only to avoid the unknown.

Who are we not to “take one for the team” every now and then? Did Christ not sacrifice it all for us on the cross? What are hurt feelings compared to leading a fellow prisoner to the Light? How important is that bruised ego when we are talking about the importance of eternity? When we ground ourselves in the LOVE of God, we can weather the arrows from those around us.

I am not advocating a martyr mentality, nor am I saying to be a door mat for the world to walk on. However I am pleading with you all to let grace rule. Do not let the seed of bitterness take root. Remember Ephesians 4:2:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

For in this life you cannot control how other people treat you. But you can control how you react to that treatment. You will never escape the pain some words wield, but you can lessen the power of the sting. Your heart will be broken, but just like broke toes, this too shall pass.

God bless you.

Andrea (the barefootbeliever)

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Luke 6:28-30
28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.

UPDATES

2008-05-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

Howdy ho Barefeeter's!! Here I am out of my hiatus, however I am slightly impared. My Frakenputer is in the shop; so this is just a little note to tell you to come back soon for updates. Much has happened in my absence and I cannot wait to share. Also I am excited to say I will be writing with more frequency. These last few months have taught me a lot, about myself, my relationship with my family, my friends, and most importantly God. My first installment is going to be called: "What it takes to be real" so stay tuned.

“DING DING DING LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!”

2008-01-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

I have spent the better part of this week fighting a losing battle. Sure, I place on a brave face to cover up my blackened eyes, and walk through the day masking my limp. Greeting my loved ones with toothless smiles and gentle hugs, cordial words to hide the bruising and happy refrains to disguise the pain. But inside there has been an all out battle royal raging. It began last Thursday when I got a call from my OBGYN.

“Well Andrea, as you know you took two blood tests yesterday, one you passed and one you failed. The one you failed is for Gestational Diabetes. You need to go have more blood work done to determine how bad it is. Or if the failed test was just a fluke. Let's set you up with that appointment now.”

'Wonderful' I thought. 'What next?'

It is always when we ask those questions we get an answer. I moped and pouted, got angry and annoyed. I self destructed, acted out, behaved badly to my husband and son. Was snippy and irrational, just a totally joy to be around (emphasis on sarcasm there). That is when I began to I fight against God. Lets call it round one.

It was short lived, or so I thought. I won that round, it was a quick one two three pin. We took the next test and it came back that I was fine. I was grateful, but even that rejoicing was short. Because not an hour later another blow came:

“Hello Andrea, this is the credit union, your account balance seems to be overdrawn.”

“GREAT” I screamed “this is just great! Does it never end? I am sick of this! What in the world are we doing wrong.”

Just then the answer hit me like hammer to the head. “Do you really want to know?”

There was God's submission hold on my heart. His finishing move. (What were you expecting? Plagues and floods?) God has a way of using the Holy Spirit to deliver these fatal blows. And just like a knife they cut to the quick of the problem.

This simple question was really it after all, “Did I really want to know?” I realized during all my self destruction, whining complaining and wrestling I never really asked the important question: “What is the lesson here? What am I missing?”

I firmly believe that EVERY struggle, and joy is a lesson. Not one of those, 'Life is a test, did you pass?' kind of things. But rather a learning experience where God is the teacher, we are the students and these lessons or tests are to better equip us for the blessings He has in store. Think of it this way: You would not give your five year old the keys to the car and say, “Here you go darling, you have been really good today. No time outs, and you finished your peas, so you can go drive the car around the block. Have fun!” That would just be insanity. God does the same thing with us.

If you read The Beatitudes Jesus lays it out before us.

Luke 6:20-26

20Looking at his disciples, he said:
"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
23"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
24"But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
25Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
26Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.

Are these not life lessons? They ask us to seek God, be happy with what we have, and strive to find peace within the promises of the Lord. They also warn us that the joys of this world are short lived. That we cannot do it alone. That the only JOY one will find is in the presence of God Himself. Oh how quickly we forget during these battles with God.

Now God will bless us just because He wants to. Think of your last breath. THAT WAS A BLESSING. One that God ordained because He loves us. But He wants more for us than just to breathe. He wants us to have life in full. How many times are we like nothing more than spoiled children entering the throne room of God with a laundry list of “wants” for God. How many times do we pout throughout the day, and look to other things than His arms to soothe us. That is what this week was for me. Nothing but griping and moaning. I WANT LORD! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! Make it easier for me!

Think about Jacob, and his wrestling match with the Lord. This was at a time where he was not really in the best of places and his trust God was wavering.

Genesis 32
9 Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' 10 I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. 11 Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. 12 But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.' "
Do you see the laundry list he took to God? Had God not promised to protect and prosper him? But it seems that Jacob struggled with the same doubts that we all have. There he went back and forth. “Lord you said this, but I don't trust you. Lord you promised that, but were you just placating me?” He even set up some 'insurance' just in case God was not one of His word. Genesis 32
19 He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: "You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. 20 And be sure to say, 'Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.' " For he thought, "I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me." 21 So Jacob's gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.

So there he sat in the camp. Praying and calling out to the Lord. But in all that praying and calling out to God what happened? He ended up WRESTLING with GOD HIMSELF!

Genesis 32:24
24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

What audacity one might think. Was he crazy? But how many times do we do the exact same thing. I know I did this week. Hitting my knees I would call out.

“Oh Lord what is going on? What else can come up against me? I know you said that You have plans for me, that you Love me and that you will take care of me. But what about our money situation? Ok so you did bless me and answer my prayer that my baby and I would be safe and healthy. But what about the money Lord? Ok ok I know that you said that you would Provide, but .. but .. but.”

There I sat and wrestled with God myself. Back and forth I went, just like Jacob.

Genesis 32
24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

Do you see what happened there? God touched Jacobs hip and caused Jacob not to wrestle but to cling to God. However Jacob would not let go until he received his blessing. There he clung, holding on tight. It was only then that Jacob was asked a very important question: “What is your name?” Simple really, but when you look at the origin of his name the picture becomes clearer. Jacob means “he grasps the heel, supplanter.”

What a life to lead, it seems to me that up until this point Jacob was very insecure about God's promises. He stole his blessing from his brother, ran from his native land, tried to barter for his bride (that didn't work out too well), and then he tried to pacify Esau regardless of the promise that God would protect him.

But it is then that God changes his name, to none other than Israel. “For you have struggled with God and men and have overcome.” It took a moment for Jacob to understand exactly what had happened. Why was it then that he was transformed? He even asked for the name of the Man he had wrestled. But when God answered him “Why do you ask my name?” and blessed him. It all became clear.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

What a revelation! How humbling and amazing that must have been for him. He wrestled with God and yet he was spared. How amazing our Lord is that He allows us to just rail against Him. Wrestling with our inner self and trying to do it our way. He loves us so much that it is another part of the process of growing closer to Him. He even answers us, “Why do you ask my Name?” I take it as don't you remember who I AM? I am your God, the One who Provides and Protects. The One who loves you even when you scream at Me and wrestle me until dawn. I felt that same feeling this week when I heard God's answer to my laundry list of why's. “Do you really want to know?”

Just like Jacob I hit my knees again. I realized I too was not relying on God's promises, rather I was trying to figure it out for myself. My problem (very much like Jacob's) was trust. I did not trust in the words of God. Rather, I wanted what was not mine to have...... yet. This lesson was about RELYING ON HIM. In all aspects of my life, all instances, all moments. Just like Jacob God had touched my “hip” and made me cling to Him.
“Let me carry you through this storm.”
He had spoken soft and true, but I still tried to fight against the wind.

I am now tired, from my wrestling match with the Lord but strangely content. My injuries were self inflicted after all, and I have the Holy Counselor to dress my wounds. To restore my heart and my peace. So here I rest, in His arms, in His promises as we continue to walk through these valleys of my life. He is with me, and it took a wrestling match to remember that. And again the score comes up God = 1 Andrea = 0.
I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Seasoned

2008-01-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

“Mommy I am starving!!” Was the call I heard from my bedroom. There my five year old sat perched on my bed watching a movie as he clutched his stomach mimicking pangs of huger ripping through his little belly.
“Oh Mommy I am starving.” He continued. I giggled wondering where he got this dramatic streak, (for those who don't know me that was a joke.) but then it was time for my husband to chime in.
“You know hon, I am a little hungry myself.”
“Ok,” I said, realizing I was also was a little hungry.“What would you like for lunch?”
“How about bacon burgers?” He seemed to perk up as he asked. He knew that it meant I would use my newest 'toy' in my kitchen arsenal: the cast iron, skillet.

When I first acquired this new cooking implement I was actually afraid to use it. The directions were detailed on how one must “Season the skillet before use.” What did that mean? Was this not like any other pan in my cupboard? Usally one would simply place food into said pan to get it to reach a desired heat for consumption. But not this little number. I found out that if I were to try to use it without seasoning it first; my food would turn into a culinary disaster. I also could actually ruin my skillet for future use. So I sat down I read and re read the directions getting myself ready to “season” my skillet.

It seemed easy enough. First I had to coat it in baking grease, then place it in a warm oven for an hour. After that I was to wipe off the excess grease and leave it in the oven over night. This was to insure the nonstick properties of the pan. The directions then promised that after this seasoning step was done successfully everytime I used my skillet it would actually get better and better. So with bated breath I did just that. I worked the cooking fat into every inch of the pan carefully making sure every portion was sufficiently covered. I then placed it in my oven. Every once and awhile I would check on it. Waiting till that very last second of one hour ticked away I carefully removed the skillet and wiped away all the excess grease. Then placed it back into the oven to cool overnight.

Then came the moment of truth. My very first meal prepared in my freshly seasoned cast iron skillet. Let me tell you, it was marvelous. I couldn't believe the flavor that was just seared into every inch of that meal. I was in hog heaven. So then it came time to clean. Even in cleaning there were special instructions. I COULD NOT use soap on my skillet, any soap would just melt away all the work I had done seasoning. Not only that but I also had to place it back into a warm oven to dry. Towel drying was not good enough. It had to go through the fire again to retain it's non-stick quality.

I began to weigh the pro's and con's of owning this device. Unlike my other pots and pans which could go into the soapy water no problem and didn't need any extra care; this thing seemed nothing more than a pain in the neck. But then I thought of the food that was made in this skillet. Oh the tastes! How each flavor seemed magnified a thousand times. Something my husband would call “loved cooked right in.”

Then there was the non-stick quality. I had put that idea to the test when I had made scrambled eggs the other morning. It proved true! Nothing really did stick to this skillet! It seemed impervious to anything that came it's way. It was my own indestructible cooking machine. How could I go wrong? I was sold, this skillet was a keeper.

As I began to cook my mind wandered and I realized that my skillet was not unlike my own faith in Christ. When we first become Christians we are too unseasoned messes that are in need of some desperate attention.
So how does one “season” a soul? The first thing that happens is that we accept Christ. Insuring that every inch of our spiritual selves are covered with the Blood of the Lamb.

Hebrews 1:9
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy."

Revelation 7:15
And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, "they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.

This oil is also a protective coating. Just as the oil keeps my pan from enemy of rust. God's armor protects us from an enemy that we cannot even see.

Ephesians 6:12-18
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

God then does something so amazing. He places us into the Refiners Fire. Bringing forth all the impurities that we carry with us daily. He “bakes in” His truths and promises. This step is to make us solid, He heats us and fires us into perfection. Just as a potter with His clay. Is it painful? Sure, I bet if my cast iron skillet could speak it would ask to not be placed into the oven to bake. But it is for the best, and the heat makes it all the better.

Malachi 3:3-4

3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,4 and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

Numbers 31:23

23 and anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean. But it must also be purified with the water of cleansing. And whatever cannot withstand fire must be put through that water.

James 1:2
Profiting from Trials
2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

Even we are warned of the “soap” that will strip away all the work God has done. God has sealed us to Him with the Holy Spirit the same way I sealed my skillet with oil. One would think soap + pan = clean. But no, it is harmful not in anyway beneficial as one would think. Would it not be easier if I were just to wash the skillet the way I do all my other dishes? Sure but then I would loose the nonstick quality and in truth the skillet could actually rust, rendering it useless. It is the same with these seemingly unimportant things are actually unwholesome deeds that can destroy us from the inside.

Ephesians 4:29-31

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

2 Timothy 2:19
Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are his," and, "Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness."

It is all done for His glory after all. All of this work, all of this maintenance actually makes us better. Just like all the extra work with my skillet gives Russ that “baked in love” flavor; so does God's work within us. It reminds me of the parable of the Talents:

The Parable of the Talents
14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

And lastly just like I was afraid to use my skillet do NOT be afraid to use your new “seasoned” self for the glory of God. After all, He put His blood, sweat, and tears into you. Why not return the favor, and the FLAVOR.

Matthew 5:13
[ Salt and Light ] "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

Magic in my coffee

2008-01-19T10:49:00.000-08:00

Good morning. I woke this morn to find myself well rested and somehow inspired. The sun shone a hue brighter, the wind smelled a touch sweeter, and the coffee at my lips tasted one iota richer. I think back on the strange the series of events that have cumulated to give me such a blissful morning. I believe that it would be imperfect, or even criminal not to scribble a series of ramblings describing this odd feeling that has settled itself in my state of conscious.

Waking the way I did is almost that out of a fairytale. One of those sweet romances that at the end of the battle you find the heroine in a palace donned in royal robes; having the paupers filth scrubbed cleanly away from her body. All I could feel was a small tickle on my shoulder at first. As my surroundings came into focus I realized that it was not a feather of some majestic bird that brought me from my slumber, but the fair hair of a small boy.

There I found him snuggled at my side, his big blue eyes looking up at me. His face could not be better etched by Da Vinci, pure and perfect was this countenance before me. As I gazed in almost non belief at this beautiful creature at my side, my imaginations began to fade. First the visions that danced through my mind all night, then slowly, the sounds around me began to chase out the melody of my dream and I heard the television in the living room ranting about last nights Monday Night Football game. I was at home in bed.

"Wake up Mommy, it is time for you to wake up." said the angel at my side.

"I am awake bubba, just give me a moment."

I started to stretch, deeply. Feeling my very essence grow with each release of my arms and legs. I felt the cool sheets beneath me, the warm comforter above. I was in a cocoon of heaven. What could make me want to get out from under this awesome embrace? What could snatch me away from this utopia of blissful dreaming? Just then the small angel began to bounce beside me. As carefree and playful as he was; he was also mindful not to fall on my swelling abdomen.

"Mommy is the baby awake?" asked the curious imp beside me.

"I think so pumpkin," I answered with a laugh escaping my lips "how could he sleep with his big brother bouncing like this?"

With a smile and a hint of understanding in his eyes the wood sprite jumped down from the bed and bounded into the living room.

"Daddy! Mommy is awake." the elfish boy announced my entrance like I was royalty.

As I stepped into the living room I was greeted by the same blue eyes I woke to. True, they were older and the look that radiated from them was glinted with a hint of power and desire, not the same innocence of the small one. But from this face poured the same love that I mirrored, a small skip of my heart broke my trance as this large king smiled at me.

"Morning." a small greeting compared to the tiny but enthusiastic wake up call I was given by my very own sprite. But the sound resonated in my heart; speaking the words that needed no utterance. As I passed my monarch on the way to the bathroom, my hand grazed his shoulder. In that moment years of love flashed behind my eyes.

I smiled as I kept walking remembering our last rendezvous; had it been twenty four hours since I last felt his arms around me? I began to blush as I thought of the passion I still felt for this man. Butterflies still filled my belly everytime I looked at him I remebered vividly the time when we were courting and those feelings still consumed me, even six years later. After finger combing my hair and splashing cool water on my face I was certain that this day would be magic.

Taking my place beside him on the couch was customary, and I looked over and smiled again. Letting him know that morning discussions could commence; I was awake and lucid I was available for comments at this time.

"I went shopping this morning." the conquering sovereign lord began.

"Did you?" I quipped, knowing that he couldn't wait to show me the bounty he brought home to his kingdom.

"Yes I did" he said his blue eyes shining with pride, "come see."

Re-entering the kitchen I noticed what I had missed during my previous trip on my way to the bathroom. Grocery bags scattered the stove top, there were two litters of caffeine free soda above on top of the fridge and a small box hidden from my view.

"I bought pop and cereal. Some beef tips for dinner; but I think you may have to cut them up because they are really big honey." He started to ramble, but all I could notice is how his eyes sparkled in the morning sun that shone through our window. I was almost lost in this phenomenon until he continued with even more excitement as he got to the climax of his shopping list.

"Oh! I also got a treat for desert. Close your eyes."

I did as told playing along with his game. "OK, open them."

Whatever it is that I saw resembled a mashed up lopsided confection. It looked like it had been through the war. "Uh.."

"It's a yellow cake with chocolate icing. I know it looks really banged up," he began to explain, a look of disappointment clouding those perfect eyes. "I put it in the trunk and I guess it got tossed around a little. But hey I bet it still tastes the same." he smiled.

I chucked a little and put my hands around his neck. "It looks delicious baby. Thank you."

Those words seemed to perk him up as he removed my arms from around him. "Well it is time for me to go to bed." a flash of mischief flashed across his face; "tuck me in?"

Most of you would read this, thinking it was quiet mundane. Just the simple morning of a simple girl. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing extraordinary. But that all lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is all about perception. What do you count as your blessings? Is it your car and job, your bank account? Even these things I too thank God for. But do you also thank Him for that dirty dish? Or that sunbeam that hits you right in the face in the morning? God has given us blessings more abundant than we can comprehend. These seemingly unimportant instances are actually words of God's love letter to us all.

John 15:11
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

So now as I close this for you my friends, the same blessed feeling that I felt a few hours ago continues to surround me now. This detailed description of my morning routine that is everything but ordinary, and with it a prayer that I hope it finds you well. I pray for the joy that only Christ can give to overflow; and I pray that you begin to wake up to the magic all around. That you no longer sigh through the day, just waiting for it to be over. But begin to see it for what it really is; the grand adventure of life.

Simple truths, difficult practices

2008-01-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been going through so many things that the feeling of being overwhelmed has been choking me. I have been filled with complaints, worry, being uncertain about the future and things I was SO SURE that God had in store for us. I knew these things were not of God but rather another valley He wanted me to walk through. After some loving words from dear friends I got to sit and be still and the answers poured over me like water. These things were simple truths. Things I learned the first day of bible school, but what I realized is to put them in practice is another story.

ONE) God's timing IS perfect.

We cannot fast forward the egg timer or try to skip ahead. There is a reason for these lessons. When working on the temple God gave them specific direction to build it. Could they have cut corners and done it another way? Probably but there was a reason that HE had them follow those specific plans. EVERY building block was important. Each one was a "keystone" that made the next layer more sturdy. We have to know that even though we think that we are ready for the blessings God has in store for us. HE KNOWS BEST.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

1 Corinthians 1:28-30
28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

TWO) I am NOT perfect.

Oh this one was hard to settle into. I want the perfect house, perfect family, perfect husband. But the truth is that if we were perfect what need would there be for a savior? Jesus takes our weaknesses and uses them. Only when we are willing, and we do not try to hide them. When we fight against our imperfections we are not allowing Christ be be mighty through us. When we try to be perfect we are relying on our works instead of His grace. Wow. Scary huh?

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

and lastly THREE) I can not be everything to everyone, or in simpler terms.. I am NOT God.

You would think that this one was easy to grasp. But how many times do we try to be Counselor, or Protector, or even Provider to those around us? I find myself making this mistake so many times a day. I believe my problem lies in that Proverbs 31 woman. Oh how I strive to be like her. How many days I have spent crying over that passage feeling so condemned in my failures to be that PERFECT Godly woman. How did she do it? Did God bless her with an extra set of arms? Did he honor her with 48 hours in a day instead of 24? Or is there some ancient recipe that has not been revealed to me yet that gives me the strength to stay awake and never need sleep?

I really pondered these things and found myself resenting this woman. But then I realized, this was not one woman. It is the church body as a whole. Think of it this way. What good would the legs do without feet? Or hands without arms? We are all given specific gifts, special to only us. When we come together as a body we are whole and complete. I stink at house work. It seems my home is clean for exactly 30 seconds before it deteriorates all around me. I cannot stay organized and have such trouble with maintaining a welcoming home. However there is always someone who seems to be knocking at my door needing fed. (bodily or spiritually) I then realized that there are Godly women around me who just have the gift of a clean home. When we get together we are that Proverbs 31 woman. I can feed them bodily and in turn they feed me spiritually with the gift of fellowship and somehow they always want to pick up a dust rag and help out with the chores. That is the reason God gave us the body, and He tells us to not be alone. We are supposed to come together often, and are NOT supposed to try to do it all alone. It is pride that keeps us away, and keeps our mind in the idea that "I can do it myself." It is sinful to think this way. I needed to allow God to bless me with these other women who understand my plight and who have been there to train me up and teach me. WOW. God is so good.

Matthew 18:20
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Romans 12:5
so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

1 Corinthians 12:12
The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.

Lastly my beloved I have realized that in all things I must be thankful. For I cannot fathom what plans He has for me, nor do I know the walk He has set before my feet. However I must be faithful in His promises. And am to be joyful in the fact that He is always with me, and loves me until the end of time. God bless and may Peace be with you always.

Job 27:10
Will he find delight in the Almighty? Will he call upon God at all times?

Nehemiah 1:5
Then I said: "O LORD, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands,

Psalm 48:9
Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love.

My walk so far.. a reason for everything

2008-01-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

The Past

It wasn't to long ago that my world was filled with darkness. I felt that I had no hope. I had chosen for myself a lifestyle that seemed to eat away at my insides until all that was left was a hollow shell. Not surprisingly that was the point when I felt the most fragile. Feeling like I could fracture into a million pieces at any minute, I turned to anything to fill the void. To say that I have been to hell and back is not an exaggeration of terms. At my worst my marriage was hanging on by a thread, I was battling addiction, and the thought of suicide was a welcome out in my mind. But then I heard the call. It began small and gentle, like a parent calling a child in from play. But I resisted “I was to dirty to come back to Christianity”, the things I had done, the people I had hurt, there couldn't be forgiveness for me. Could there? The call grew stronger in my soul and it had a sense of urgency, like a parent searching for their lost child in the wilderness. Then it finally happened. I broke, I called out with all that I had, all that was left of me, I called out to Jesus. And he came. He met me where I was. Dirty broken and lost, he pulled me from the darkness into the light. I am healed and forgiven, clean and sober, and my marriage is stronger than ever. I am not a fragile shell afraid of breaking, but I am filled with the holy spirit and shatterproof. I have a promise and a hope, a purpose, and a mission.

The Present

I am married to the love of my life. He is my best friend and my biggest supporter. We like to use the analogy that I am the balloon, he is the string. Without the string to hold on to the balloon it would float to high and pop from the pressure. Now the string without the balloon would never get that extra lift upward, it would lay on the ground without a job to do. They need each other, however the string and balloon alone still can be in trouble. A balloon untethered, even with the string holding on still flies to high, with the string is helpless to stop it. That is where our rock comes in ...Jesus. He is the center of our marriage and our lives.
We have a five year old son Eli. He not unlike any other five year old full of laughter and mischief. He keeps us on our toes and we thank God everyday for allowing us the blessing of being parents. Lastly sometime in early April we are expecting the arrival of Noah Paul. The newest blessing God has heaped upon our heads. HAHA.. Look at me BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT! :D

The Future

My steps where numbered and planed before I was known. So I am walking by faith the path that God has chosen for me. I am so thankful of the change that he has made in my life. I know that I can never repay the debt He has paid for me. But I will work where he shows me there is a need, and everyday try to live my life honoring the one who has redeemed me.

What if Cheese was green, and Cucumbers where yellow??

2008-01-18T18:09:00.000-08:00

You know I like to think, and think deep I must.

I was thinking today about who would win between a bear and a butterfly in a fight.
"WHAT??" You say. "How could the butterfly ever stand up to a bear?"

But go with me if you will, and imagine this: The bear is powerful, massive and strong. With one lash of his paw he can knock down a tree. He is the king of the forest. Perfect in force is he.

Bye-bye me thinks to our poor little friend the butterfly.

Perhaps not. The butterfly is light, agile, and quick. She floats on the air, riseing overhead, just stopping long enough to smell the flowers. Her beauty is unmatched, her grace uncategorized. Perfect in flight is she.

Our furry friend would be hard pressed to catch her. Because as we all know bears are not so graceful, not so quick, and well, they can't fly. But if she is caught smelling the flowers, and the bear mistakenly sits on her, that would be the end of our sweet little butterfly.

(Ok Andrea spending mebe a little to much time in the bathroom with the door closed while cleaning?) Nope, but here comes my point.

God created all of us differently. All of us with our own perfect capabilities, our own perfect talents. If we look at everyone this way, instead of comparing ourselves and others, we can see the true beauty of creation. Because after all, a bear is no better than the butterfly, nor is the butterfly better than the bear. They are just perfectly different, and perfectly made. Smile today, and think about that for a minute.

Sheilds Are Down (Archived Post Dec 06)

2008-01-18T18:07:00.001-08:00

Well I think I have reached a new stage of paranoia. Last night when I came home from worship, I began talking to my husband about practice. In my normal fragmented speech.

Me:

"Susie and Byron have joined the group, we had so much fun, Becky is so funny, I am doing special music did you know that, Yea with Michelle, actually the whole group is doing it. I have to check my email because Kathy said she keeps sending me emails and I am not getting any, Becky said something about yahoo, but I don't want another one, OHH don't let me forget to send the chili recipe to Kelly, do you know where it is I have been looking forever for it, I gave her the one for poor man's steak.."

My Husband:

"Poor mans Steak! Nonoooononoono. That is a secret family recipe, I am so ashamed..."

I burst into tears. What followed was fifteen minutes of my husband explaining that he was joking. What is wrong with me? We do that all the time, going back and forth with playful loving jabs at each other. Nothing even remotely close to being meanspirited. But last night when he said he was ashamed of me, they were words I couldn't take. Why is that? I know better. Right before I left for practice he pulled me close, hugged and kissed me, and told me how proud he was of me. That I was doing great! But in that one moment all of my fears resurfaced.

It has been happening a lot lately. I have become a lot more sensitive than normal. I have two theories on what is going on.

One) it could be hormonal. and I will stop there for my male readers..girls you know what I am talking about. OR....

Two) it could be that I am actually becoming more ME than I have ever been in my life. When we tear down those walls we build, we become so penetrable. I know that recently God has been continually stripping away years of protective layers that I have accumulated. Brick by brick He is getting to the heart of me. Just this Sunday I spent the whole service in tears because the message hit so close to home. It was titled "Ghost's of Christmas past." How we had to let go and forgive others, and ourselves. I needed that message. Especially this time of year.

I can't believe that it has been only a year since I came home. I think about how far God has taken me and I am astounded. So I guess this is all par for the course. I knew when I decided back in January of this year that I would no longer be a pleaser, but have faith in the love of others. That it wouldn't be easy. That it was going to be something that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I knew without doing that, and being completely "out there" I would never know for sure if people genuinely loved me. I have become so much more grounded, more stable, more loving, and more secure in the relationships I do have. I have also grown so close to Him. I found this hunger for His word and a desire to fellowship that I never thought or imagined could ever be possible. I found out that God thinks that I am valuable to Him. I am His child, His bride, His beloved.

So now I am thinking on the future, and wondering what His plan could be for me. How He has best made me to serve. That is exciting, and I guess that this sensitivity is part of it. Because I am no longer that Andrea surrounded by a sheild of doubt and a hard coating to reflect everything off of. But I am now Andrea made out of clay continually being molded into what He wants me to be. Formed and reformed, soft plyable, and wanting to be sculpted into His masterpeice. And I know that no matter what I am protected because after all, I am in His hand.

Isaiah 64:8
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Jeremiah 18:6
"O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand.

2 Corinthians 4
Treasures in Jars of Clay
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"[a]made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.